When
by drufan
Summary: Giant eyeballs, a nasty cradle, Marlon Brando, roll Tide and know when to say when. Oh yeah, Shep and McKay whumping. Same ol', same ol'. Complete!
1. And Rodney

_A/N: Well, some wanted a conversation between Rodney and John. Some were confused about Rodney's miraculous recovery. So the bunnies went tee hee hee and put this little tale in my head. Once again, I make references to my previous stories, especially Specter. It's not a continuation. It's more like rumination. Spoilers upto Aurora and green with envy for those of you already in the second half of the season._

_Disclaimer: They're not mine, they're not mine, they're not mine. They belong to the powerful entertainment industry. Enjoy._

**When**

Chapter 1

And Rodney…

And Rodney…well, he had laid in the forest with his dead team…

_"Like Play-doh? Like Play-doh?" McKay yelled loud enough for everyone in the infirmary to hear. "I had to pull myself to where you were! I had to watch bugs crawl in and out of you! I had to watch a bird peck at Teyla's ear. You come into my head and threaten me? I don't think so!"_

_"You were hiding again. Cocooning yourself away. That doesn't instill a lot of trust in your capabilities for self-healing McKay!" Sheppard yelled back and then gasped. That little temper flare had hurt like a mother… "Wait, did you say bugs?" He gasped again; damn had to stop doing that. He was panting now._

_Carson came running over and hissed at the two of them, "Shut up the both of you! Talk civilized or McKay you're out!" He glared at them for a moment, checked Sheppard quickly and retreated pointing menacingly at McKay._

_Sheppard and McKay were still shooting daggers at each other until McKay sheathed his._

_"I was scared. I couldn't stop…help…do anything." He sagged. "Then your there and home, I couldn't not see you. All of you. I knew I wasn't the evil I was purporting. My soul was still firmly intact. She was the depths I thought I had sunk. I was wrong. Thanks."_

_"Colonel Sheppard?"_ A young voice interrupted. _"Colonel Sheppard, this is your wake-up call."_

John woke up in his bed, in his room. That's right, his alarm clock had met an untimely (pun intended even if it was to himself) end. He had thrown it against a wall and smashed it during his stint as a bug. Poor thing had dared to turn on and he took all his frustrations out on it. He kept forgetting to requisition a replacement.

"Thanks airman, I'm up." Groggily, he looked over at his nifty timepiece on the side table and grabbed it. The thing had an alarm; it just never woke him up unless they were off-world. 5:30 a.m. Three hours until their mission for either…warning people of an imminent culling or trading for apples. One was Lorne's and one was his, he just couldn't remember which one was which. Apples, he had the apples. He and his team were playing Johnny Appleseed today. Apple-like was more accurate, but they had a nice crunch.

He shook his head clear, got up and took care of business. He moved into the next phase of his morning routine, the shower. It was always nice to smell Irish Spring fresh when meeting and negotiating with folk. They tended to appreciate it.

He traced the scar on his chest as he stood under the water. It was not a dream so much as a cloudy memory from a few months back. He just kind of stayed in it. Not progressing and not regressing, it just kept replaying. And he knew why. It was unfinished business. He shut off the shower. He would revisit it later when his jaunt in the orchard was over. He stepped out and proceeded to dress.

Mess hall was next on the agenda. Grabbing his tray, he began his pointing and picking up and placing of vittles on the plate/tray. He grabbed his silverware and turned to locate his team. Spotting them near one of the large windows, he slapped his good morning grin on and picked his way through the chairs and tables to where they were sitting. He walked into the middle of their conversation.

"How many times now?" McKay asked Ronon.

"25."

McKay looked up at Sheppard and squinted. "You've created a monster, Colonel."

"Oh yeah? How so?" He asked as he placed his tray down on the table.

"X-men, Chewbacca here has seen X-men and X-2 twenty-five times…Is it each?"

Ronon nodded shoving eggs into his mouth.

"Each," reiterated McKay with a look-see-there face.

Sheppard smiled, "Well, I've heard anytime someone wants to watch Sixth Sense it's in your room."

McKay scowled stopping short of sticking his tongue out.

"If warriors such as those were real, the Wraith would not stand a chance," said Ronon pointing his fork at Sheppard and McKay. "The one with the eyebeams, Cyclops, I could've used that as a Runner."

"Rogue."

Sheppard, McKay and Dex looked at Teyla.

"She can have any power she wants and use it at will." Teyla did not look at any of them as she continued eating. "She is the most powerful and lethal. I like her."

"I'll allow that," answered McKay.

"Always liked Gambit. He's not in the movies," Sheppard pointed out. "His ability to blow things up was cool and all, but what I really liked was- he did it with style. Gotta admire that." He took a bite of cereal.

The conversation for the rest of breakfast pretty much stayed on the same subject- the pros and cons of each mutant. Sheppard looked down at his watch. It was almost 7:00 a.m. He took one last bite and started clearing away his tray.

"Meet you guys at the pre-mission briefing."

They all acknowledged him as he stood up to leave.

"Don't be late Colonel," McKay said to his back.

Sheppard returned it with a lazy, backhanded wave.

He made his way to a secluded balcony. He needed to collect his thoughts, put his game face on as it were. Get himself ready to barter for green delicious apples.

He took in a deep breath and exhaled it out his nose. He closed his eyes listening to all the familiar Atlantis sounds. Waves, waves, and more waves.

_"You're welcome." He paused. "I was…scared too."_

_"Col. John Sheppard, nuke driver, bug carrier, and Ancient cat-nip is admitting to being scared?" McKay nearly burst he was smiling so broadly._

_"Hell yeah, crazy, deranged, nuts and scared."_

_The smile fell and McKay grew serious, "But not trusting. Didn't trust me to come back on my own…"_

_"No. I couldn't take the chance."_

_"Colonel Sheppard we're waiting."_ Elizabeth sounded annoyed.

He looked at his watch, 7:35. "Oh, sorry, I'm on my way." To go get some yummy scrum-deli-icious apples, he thought. It wasn't as if it was beneath him. It was just…boring.

Less than an hour later with the briefing checked off his list, he watched as Ronon, Teyla and McKay preceded him into the puddle. 8:30 am. They were right on time for a change. He flashed his cocky, drop 'em dead in their tracks grin at Weir and walked towards the ring.

As the toe of his boot broke the surface of the event horizon, he heard Elizabeth say, "Rodney, Katie says to bring back something for her…Rodney?" She was trying to tease McKay.

He stepped all the way in still grinning while Elizabeth waited for the comeback. He would probably catch the end of it when he reached the other side.

Too bad he wouldn't. Because that grin, it doesn't actually work that way.

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_A/N: Need I even ask folks? The reviews really do help._


	2. I Spy with My Little Eye

Chapter 2 

I Spy with My Little Eye

_"Rodney, Katie says to bring back something for her…Rodney?"_ He heard Elizabeth say trying to tease him.

McKay knew what was next. He looked over at an unconscious Teyla and Ronon. They were not on the menu. He was a good substitute but there was nothing like a true delicacy- a morsel of Atlantean goodness.

He wanted to yell, scream, warn, cry, anything than just lay there immobile facing the Stargate. Above him, the orbs waited patiently for the next selection. Their shadows on the base of the ring and the whirring of their little engines told him they were still there.

Time ground to a crawl. The toe of a boot protruded from the puddle and kept coming. The dark, spiky, bed head was next. Then time sped back up to normal as Sheppard exited with a grin on his face that immediately changed to an 'oh crap' expression.

No sooner had Sheppard reconstituted from Gate travel; he was dematerialized and taken into one of the orbs. Now the other lowered itself in front of McKay. The light surrounding a giant iris flashed green.

_"Rodney can you hear me? Teyla? Ronon? Col. Sheppard?"_ Elizabeth was getting that worried tone.

Since he could not wear the 'oh crap' expression, he thought it. A bright light enveloped him and he too was reduced to data.

------------------

"Hellooo! Hellooo! Oh come on! You've brought me here for some reason. The least you can do is…"

The door opened.

"…answer me."

A very large man stood in the doorway. He wore a wide brim hat and a light shirt with a khaki style pant. He had a casual smile on his face and held out his two hands- palms up.

"I come in greetings and salutations Dr. Rodney McKay."

"Wonderful. Now can I leave with so longs and farewells?" Rodney jutted his chin out.

"No, not yet, if ever." The man stepped into the room. It contained a bed, a side table and another door to what could only be called an indoor outhouse.

"Col. Sheppard. Where is Col. Sheppard?" He kept his chin in place as he called on any bravado dwelling in him.

"He's busy." The man completely blocked the doorway. "Unfortunately, he's not cooperating or the machinery isn't fully working yet."

Dread decked his bravado. Flippant. Sheppard was flippant and would not go gently…

"What are you talking about? What are you doing?" Rodney's eyes fixed onto the fleshy man with an intense glare. "What machinery?"

"We'll get to that doctor." The man turned and walked out of the room leaving the door open. "Well, aren't you coming?"

"Where?" Rodney scrambled to catch up. He had not forgotten the avoidance of his questions but he would gather as much information as possible.

"On a tour. I need you to run my operation, Dr. McKay." The man started walking down the hall. He spoke with the confidence of a person who was use to getting his way.

"How do you know my name?"

"I've been looking for you. You're the most knowledgeable person of Ancestral tech and we have Ancestral tech, plus more. With the Wraith on the way, we need to find something to keep them at bay."

"What about Col. Sheppard? What do you need him for?" As if he did not already know.

"He's an Ancestor, or at least as close as we're going to get. I could make sacks full of coins just putting him on display and lighting up a few trinkets. I could do that with you too. My self-preservation comes first, and then making a few extra coins- if he survives- comes later." He walked to a set of stairs. He ran his hand on the banister all the way down. They ended up in another long hallway with a large door at the end.

Rodney had not missed the big "if" in the man's statement. He bristled as dread stomped all over his bravado now.

Another set of footsteps behind him made him pivot quickly. A large, very tall, steely eyed man blocked the way they had just come. A chuckle from up ahead of him snapped his attention back to his host.

The man called over his shoulder, "That's Bama, my right hand man. An enforcer of my will, don't make me use him on you."

Rodney gave a nervous smirk at Bama and followed his host through the door into an office.

"The brains of my operation," said the man proudly while gesturing Rodney to a chair in front of a large desk. The man sat behind the desk and Bama stood behind McKay.

McKay looked the interior over. Very not Ancient. Very familiar. Very frightening.

"Dr. McKay, my home is over a labyrinth. An entire installation, I've been studying for years. The only problem, nothing worked. So after each room was searched it was either used for storage or simply locked up. That is until one day a new employee went in there to retrieve a box of tools. The place allowed him entrance with out touching a door and the room lit up. He kept turning on different rooms and some equipment. Well, I'm sure you can imagine my surprise."

His host put both elbows on his desk and his chins on the top of his knuckles. "Then these fantastical stories of new residents of the lost city reached my ears. And low and behold these people could do the very same thing as my lowly employee. And I just knew I had to meet these people."

"You see Dr. McKay, what some deemed as arrogance in your people; I view as a gift. I was sorry to hear that the great city was destroyed."

Rodney flinched and let his eyes begin their frenzied dart around the office. "Yeah…well…no choice…couldn't let the Wraith have it."

"As I said, it was a shame, but I understand. Don't fear; this isn't revenge. This is just curiosity and a quest for knowledge." The man smiled benevolently at McKay. "Calm yourself doctor. I need you, but of course, your reputation precedes you. So I know how ingenious you can be and lethal. Col. Sheppard too. I just happen to luck into your visit to the Mau. Their plues are to die for."

McKay laughed to himself. Sheppard had called this a little boring trip to an orchard. They found the wicked witch offering the poison apple, again, and he looked like Orson Wells.

"Speaking of Col. Sheppard, let's go see him. I know you need to make sure he's here and alive."

McKay did not answer but frowned instead. He most certainly did not like where this was going.

* * *

_Fetal pig. Here piggy, piggy, sooey._

_Let's place you in an uncomfortable chair that balls you up into a fetal position so your spine is curved and it's easier to insert probes or needles or skewers in between the vertebrae. Then, let's have those same sharp pointy sticks bore holes into the base of your skull. Oh let's not forget these people don't seem to have any idea how to operate said chair._

It made the boring apple run look really good.

"OK, try that sequence there."

Electricity (or some sort of current) raced up his spine and into his head. He could not breathe; he could not scream; so he just convulsed silently.

"No, no that just released another current." More whispering floated by him. "Yes, yes I see it's a progression. Let's go in the order laid out."

The chair moved from a cradle position to an upright position to a facing downward position. Gravity pulled on him as he faced a console. He winced from the pinch to his skin from the sharp pointy things in his back. An arm protruded from the console with something like an IV port on the end. The chair moved towards it until it rested his stomach over the arm. Then the arm punched at his stomach and the port was inserted right into his digestive system.

It hurt. A lot. His mouth opened wide as the room remained quiet except for the movement of the chair.

The chair rose away and returned to a cradle position.

"Next sequence."

More probes placed a similar port in his chest right under the collar bone. Once again, it hurt. A lot. And the room still remained silent.

"It now seems to be waiting for a command."

_Great._

"Press the affirmative."

_No, no don't press the affirmative._

The chair began the rotation again, and gravity began its pull and he faced the console again. It lowered again and this time an emulsion was delivered into his stomach port.

_Golly, thanks for dinner. Strained gruel- mmm, mmm, good._

"Are you sure he is of the Ancestors?"

"Well, the chair has only reacted to him and he was living in the Great City."

"But it seems he isn't able to command any of this."

"They said he was stubborn and arrogant. Maybe he's just not cooperating."

_I'm cooperating here. No need to get snippy_. He cackled silently to himself. _This isn't Ancient. It's…_

"Well, let's try the automated program, it's next."

_Shit…it's not Ancient…it's…it's…_

His body exploded from the current racing through every nerve ending. He was losing consciousness when the port in his chest was injected with something that made his mind race. It purposefully kept him lucid, awake and alive in the moment. His heart felt as if it was about beat out of chest. His muscles twitched where he did not know he had muscles; his eyes watered; and his stomach released that cereal from earlier. He lost track of what hurt after a while because it was everything and then he saw McKay.

_"What, don't you trust me Colonel?" The glow of the laptop shadowed McKay's face._

_Sheppard stood next to the stasis pod and, as if it was readily apparent, he snidely retorted, "No!"_

He had thrown that 'No' back into McKay's face. It might as well have given him a bloody nose from the force of the lack of faith it held.

_Oh McKay, I was wrong._

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_A/N: Yikes Shep, sorry 'bout that. Hey McKay! Wonder if Orson is easier to work for than Elizabeth?_


	3. Welcome to the Machine

Chapter 3 

Welcome to the Machine

"Dr. McKay, welcome to the Labyrinth."

McKay calmly, at least outwardly, looked around the huge lab. It was too organic, too vein like, too spidery. "Um, what's your name?"

"Forgive me sir." He said it like 'suh'. "I'm Jae Berje or as everyone- whether they are a friend or foe- calls me, Papa Jae."

"Well, Papa Jae," Rodney informed him in his best condescending tone, "Col. Sheppard won't be able to help with the technology in this room. Like to know why?"

"Of course sir," answered Papa Jae inappropriately amused.

"This is a Wraith lab."

"That would explain a lot. But…you see doctor, the colonel has already interacted with the equipment I was interested in and successfully turned it on."

Then the dread infected his mouth and he stammered, "Wha…where…how…?" He closed his eyes and started again. "Where is Col. Sheppard?"

"Follow me."

Bama grabbed him by the upper arm and led him practically on tiptoes across the room. It was easily as big as football field. Not all parts were seen immediately. Papa showed him to an alcove in a secluded corner. Within, were a group of…he would not say scientists…assistants- maybe. His benefactor stopped to watch and listen to the conversation.

"That's not right."

"…off the scale…"

"Can we just stop the program?"

McKay stepped closer and looked at the entire room. He knew who was in there of course; he just was not ready to see him in that state.

"…should just let the program run."

And with complete idiots running the device and no one paying any attention to Sheppard's frantic convulsions and the fact he was awake- Rodney felt sick.

He broke away from Bama and pushed the assistants out of the way. He felt sicker. The monitor told a story of taking the body to the brink and back quickly, efficiently and repeatedly. This machine held no benevolent purpose. It was Wraith after all. Then he saw it flashing lazily in the corner of the screen. An abort. He went to press it.

A thick veined arm grabbed him around the neck and choked off his air supply.

"Whatever are you doin' doctor?" Papa Jae asked leisurely.

The arm loosened a little.

"That's an end game program…it's a torture device! It's not Ancient, Ancestral or whatever. It's Wraith." McKay choked it out. He wriggled, pushed and pulled unsuccessfully on the arm. "Let me stop it," he gargled.

Jae puckered his fleshy lips, "I think we need to see where this leads."

"What! Nowhere! It leads nowhere!" McKay began frantically clawing at the immovable stump around his neck. He looked down at a monitor; Sheppard's vitals were all askew as the device kept up with each emergency. Interrogation and torture. Just enough to keep the person aware and alive but incapacitated.

"I'll make a deal with you doctor. You explain, repair, test the devices I give you and he won't be exposed to this particular session again. If you don't agree, we'll just watch as this end game plays to the…end."

McKay let dread get its ass kicked by hate. He fixed the man in front of him with a baleful glare. There was no negotiation going on, just demands. He had no choice but to agree. "Deal."

Bama let go.

At that moment, he would have sold his grandmother to the man. Lucky for this guy, she was dead. Papa here would want no part of that hateful woman. On second thought.

Jae waved the assistants away and McKay staggered over the station. He studied the screen. Abort was still an option but he saw a better one. It loosely translated to _finish and return to normal_. He pressed it. Everything returned to normal, including Sheppard's vitals. Well as close as they were going to get after that. Then McKay only heard gasps for air, no vocal sounds. Then it struck him that Sheppard had not made a sound through the entire ordeal.

He scrolled the information until a scan of the brain appeared. Now he was truly nauseous. A probe at the base of his skull had what looked like ganglia or spider webs winding its way through Sheppard's brain. It was affecting one of his speech areas. Beckett would know exactly what it was doing but McKay could read. It was a purposefully induced condition to keep the subject from disrupting the rest of the lab with their screaming. How utterly considerate, the Wraith included a mute button.

Rodney pressed another part of the screen and disengaged the probes. He ran over to the chair.

"Colonel, can you hear me?" Hate was pushed out of the way by fear when no answer came. "Colonel, look at me." Terror was quickly moving in its belongings to evict fear.

Glazed eyes stared back at him and a very shaky voice whispered, "H-h-hey Ma-K-kay."

He tried to keep his voice from shaking, to keep it strong. Rodney swallowed before replying, "Hey back…How…"

Surprise entered the glazed eyes as an arm wrapped around McKay's neck- again- and pulled him away. Other hands started pulling an excessively compliant Sheppard out of the grisly cradle.

"Don't you touch him!" McKay struggled futilely against the arm. "Where are you taking him?"

Rodney watched as blood streaked across Sheppard's back, ran down his legs, and trickled from the back of his head onto his neck. The droplets fell to the floor and shoes smeared it as they stepped in it. He noticed Sheppard's nakedness and then bit his own tongue to keep his mouth shut about the indignity of it. He bit it harder to keep his contempt for these people silent, as silent as Sheppard had been.

Papa Jae smiled serenely. Yep, this man knew how to get his way. He had orchestrated this little demonstration. He might not have known what the chair did but he knew this was a Wraith lab. No one with the ATA gene would fair well if the device reacted to them. He had led McKay by the nose to get what he wanted. The fat bastard had successfully used Sheppard to get McKay to acquiesce. Anger shoved terror out of the way, and anger was not leaving.

He watched them remove a semi-conscious Sheppard out of the alcove and out of eyesight.

"Don't worry doctor, he's in capable hands. We have a bargain sir. So now I think you had better hold up your end," Papa Jae said it so genteelly, as if he had bartered for those apples McKay should have been hauling back to Atlantis.

All McKay could do was glare ineffectually as he clung to his anger that fueled the raging fire in his mind.

----------------

McKay started with the MRI from the Addams Family's basement. He was right; the chair was only for those with Ancient genetic make-up. It was supposed to be used to study the mental component of the Ancients and their technology. The Wraith were either trying to figure out how to counteract it or incorporate it into their own technology. They discovered it was an effective torture device rather quickly. The experiment either failed and/or the device abandoned when the Ancients left and sunk Atlantis.

A young woman who had been one of the assistants during the procedure stood next to him peering over his shoulder.

"The programs we were running only initialized after he was placed in the chair. It immediately recognized what he is. It was our first time interacting with them."

He bristled. "And what is he? An inanimate toy, a plaything?" Rodney did not look at her as he talked. "Was he just a glorified pin cushion to all of you?"

The assistant did not answer.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Go away." He hit another square on the monitor. "This device is unfortunately working fine."

"That's wonderful news Dr. McKay!" Papa Jae's voice boomed into his ear making him start. "I have other things for you to lend your vast expertise to." The man grinned congenially.

"Before that, and I'm not reneging on our agreement, I want to see Col. Sheppard." Rodney stood up from the station and came eye to chins with the man.

"Dear boy of course, he's your friend, your comrade, your leader. He's in a holding room awaiting his next session."

_Shit._

"But first let's get something to eat. You look positively famished!"

A heavy hand clapped him on the back making him stumble. They walked to Papa Jae's office where a whirring noise distracted him- the orbs had returned and hovered a few feet in the air. They resembled great big eyeballs: pupils, irises, veins, all included. They were definitely Wraith in design.

"Oh my little pets- they'll also keep an _eye_ on you." Papa Jae laughed at his own joke. "Come Dr. McKay. Bama's wife, Lycee, is a fabulous cook."

"B-but Col. She…"

"Has already eaten."

Papa Jae led Rodney and the two eyeballs up the staircase to the level of his room. They walked the opposite way and up another stairwell into a grand entrance hall. "The main part of my house," Papa Jae told Rodney.

Iron-like railings adorned a grand staircase to a second floor. It was in the middle and curved upward gracefully. The floor was made of a hardwood close to mahogany. The walls were a federal blue with many portraits of family members.

"I'm in a Tennessee Williams' play in the Pegasus Galaxy," said Rodney quietly to himself as he stopped to look at the room.

Papa Jae continued past the staircase to a door behind it. Rodney was bumped by an eyeball to follow its master.

"We won't be eating in the main dining hall- that's for tomorrow evening. I'm throwing a banquet for you and Col. Sheppard to celebrate our new partnership. Everyone within 20 miles is invited. So please forgive such vulgarity as having to eat in the kitchen."

Shoulders slumped, Rodney followed. He knew what the chair served Sheppard, the database told him. For the first time ever, he would feel guilty while eating.

--------------------

Papa Jae was right; Lycee was an outstanding cook. The roasted meat was moist and tender. The vegetables were prepared to a tender crispness. The dessert was understated in its sweetness and so silky. Moreover, he hated himself for enjoying it. If he rationalized it, he was keeping his strength up along with his mental acuity. He was staving off his hypoglycemia. Anyway he put it; he was still a traitor.

"Dr. McKay, let me show you what I'm protecting," said Papa Jae after putting down his dessert fork. He pushed himself from the table and stood up. He walked through a door adjoining the kitchen.

McKay recognized a den when he saw one. "What about Col. Sheppard? I really need to see him." McKay was about to become insistent, greasy wheel and all that.

"You worry too much. He's waiting to be cleaned up."

McKay's stomach dropped and that roasted meat wanted to make a second appearance. "B-but you said…"

"Oh sir, you will. He's resting."

"Oh thank God." Rodney closed his eyes and let out a small breath.

"Then he'll have a few tests run on his blood and other things that I quite frankly didn't listen to."

The dessert was trying to join the meat. McKay paled.

"Don't worry doctor; we're not a backwater planet here. He's perfectly fine."

"Perfectly fine my ass," McKay said under his breath swallowing his dinner for the second time.

Papa Jae casually strolled through his den and picked up a cigar. "Let's take a stroll."

"No. I…I…I demand to see him now." The chin poked out and the eyes began their mad dash around the room. His answer was a shock from one of eyeballs in the shoulder. "OW!"

Papa Jae smirked domineeringly and continued through the den to a door leading outside. "As I said, let's take a stroll."

Scowling and rubbing his arm McKay dutifully followed him through the door out on to a large porch.

"This, Dr. McKay, is my piece of the dessert. This is Papa's Place."

Before him was land filled with gardens and pathways. Stables were off to his left and smaller houses were farther away to his right. Pastures, fields and roads came into view as he and Papa Jae circumnavigated the grand, two-story, plantation style house. It was beautiful. All that was missing was the Spanish moss and live oaks.

"I lied just now. We are backwater at least to the Wraith. Our little planet isn't on any of their regular routes, so we've remained relatively unmolested. That is until now. They're culling worlds they've left alone for generations and we're probably on the list." He took a big puff on his cigar. "So you see, with all that tech underneath us, there has to be something. I've also been collecting and that's where you and Col. Sheppard come in. We're running out of time and I don't have the inclination to ask politely anymore."

They did a complete circle of the house with their escorts hovering a few feet behind. Girlish giggles from the stables interrupted them. Three young women walked towards them apparently just finishing a morning ride. They were in their late teens and early twenties if they were a day.

_Well, here comes Miss Scarlett and her sisters_, thought Rodney in his best Georgia drawl.

"Ah girls, good ride?" Papa Jae called out.

They smiled in greetings while pulling off gloves. They gave Rodney and dear ol' dad questioning looks as to who the stranger could possibly be.

"My apologies girls, this is Dr. Rodney McKay. Dr. McKay, these are my lovely daughters: Aggie, Lia, and Osy. They're the picture of grace as was their mother- rest her soul."

And pretty girls always elicited the same stammering reaction and jittery response in Rodney. So he left it with, "Uh, hi."

"One of Daddy's new employees?" Aggie asked innocently.

Papa Jae waited for Rodney's answer with an eagle-like stare and a deceptively laid-back smile.

"In a manner of speaking, slav…" He started to say slave but a quick shock to his shoulder stopped him.

Then the girls gave that same laid-back smile. McKay realized they were not that innocent and knew exactly why he was there.

"So doctor, you're Daddy's new employee. We look forward to seeing you at the banquet tomorrow." Aggie said it with such a casual tone; McKay guessed the apple did not fall far from the tree.

With that, they walked off giggling and conversing about what they were going to wear; who was coming; and what the menu was.

Papa Jae came face to face with Rodney and cemented him in place with a stony glare. "Dr. McKay, you do try my patience. Need I remind you of the precarious position that Col. Sheppard finds himself in. Choose your words carefully. Something to remember for tomorrow night." Then the man smiled at him and blew smoke in his face. "Now, let's go see Col. Sheppard."

Rodney coughed and hacked as Papa Jae returned to the house.

He was led and prodded by the mechanical eyeballs back into the house and then to the lower levels. They crossed the lab to a set of doors near the alcove. He frowned. These were prisoner quarters or the larder depending on what the Wraith were in the mood for. Some were the cocoon pods and other were smaller versions of a holding cell. There was no doubt in his mind that his host knew exactly who had built this place. Papa Jae led him to a set of doors half way down.

An ammonia smell hit him first, and then the bile. He tried to ignore the rest. He looked into the small cell. A lump laid on the floor dressed in a short hospital gown. He faced the rear wall and shook with muscles spasms. Red wept through the back of the gown and smeared the floor. Rodney lost it.

"Oh my God! Resting! You fat...piece...of...shit…" came hissing and spitting out of his mouth. McKay was backhanded so hard he sat down on the floor with a thump.

Papa Jae bent down over him. "I told you to carefully choose your words sir. Now, I didn't lie. He's waiting to be cleaned up and dressed. I'm afraid the chair left him with little muscle control. Temporary I hope." Papa Jae straightened up and looked into the cell through the spider webbed doors. "Dr. McKay, I can leave him in this state or I can see to his needs. I just wanted you to know what price has to be paid for deception or disobedience on your part. Right now, I want _you_ to tend to his needs. There's a bucket, a cloth, another coverling and soap."

Footsteps echoed down the hall. "Good Bama's here to supervise. I'll give you an hour doctor."

McKay stood up rubbing his cheek and jaw. "Our packs, do you have our packs?"

"Why yes sir."

"In it is a pouch with a red cross on it. You can't miss it. Take out whatever you feel is dangerous but leave the bandages and medicines…please." That please was particularly hard to say.

"Bama, have one of the technicians get it, would you? Anything else doctor?"

"No." _You fat piece of shit,_ Rodney added to himself defiantly. _And I do choose my words carefully._

Papa Jae opened the doors and Rodney stepped in with his supplies. This was definitely a time that big boys do cry or at least want to.

* * *

_A/N: I have a hanky for you Rodney. No not Mr. Hanky, that's just gross. _


	4. Dark Hope Springs Eternal

Chapter 4 

Dark Hope Springs Eternal

_John Sheppard is a selfish, selfish man_, he thought to himself.

He laid there on his right side staring at the little spot on the wall. If he concentrated hard enough on it, maybe the throbbing and muscle clenching pain in his head, neck, back and butt would lessen. Not real likely.

_"Hey Dr. Zelenka! Where's McKay? No offense but why isn't he here?"_

_"He's resting in the infirmary Sir."_

Williams had answered because Dr. Z. was too scared. When he saw Radek in the Vestibule, he was genuinely happy. Then he realized McKay wasn't there and McKay should have been there; so disappointment settled in along with mistrust. Oh sure, young Lt. Williams explained he was injured. But McKay should have been there not Zelenka or at least that is what his unstable mind believed.

When he read Carson's and Elizabeth's minds, he saw McKay's self induced exile. John Sheppard could not handle the thought that McKay might not want to return to reality. Or at least that is what his unstable mind- working at full tilt- told him.

_"Funny thing is Colonel; I don't remember making the decision to leave my little dream fantasy world. Even if it was a Wraith culling."_

_Sheppard saw the puzzlement in his face. McKay sat in the little chair trying to figure out what exactly had happened._

_"Well McKay, about…about…" A machine went off next to his head and a sharp, acute pain smacked him in the chest._

_He saw a wide eyed McKay and then Carson and that blond doctor and a nurse. They seemed none too pleased._

He passed out. He never finished that conversation. A pulmonary embolism interrupted him. A little blood clot kept him from telling McKay his nasty little secret. And McKay did not bring it up again and neither did he.

But now he was somewhere else having another not so boring day. His mind returned to the spot and the Wraith's version of the chair. He hated that chair. The chair of the Ancients did not hurt. The chair just thrummed and lit up prettily. It also fired drones.

"Do you want to play a game?" He asked himself mechanically.

Oh yes, he wanted to play a game. What he wouldn't give to fire a drone right into the Wraith lab. Wraith lab meet drone. Drone meet Wraith lab. He liked that idea…a lot. It almost made him smile.

However, right now all he had was the floor and his little spot on the wall and their version of the hospital gown which was shorter and covered up less. Drafty was a good way to describe it. Of course, they would take it away to sit his naked ass in that chair. The thing liked to poke long needles into his head, back, and neck for goodness sakes. It placed a feeding tube directly into his gut and another tube into a major blood vessel to make sure he stayed alive while it worked through each program. Can't have material getting in the way.

It could not get much more humiliating. He was sure they could find a way though.

He didn't move as the door opened. He was waiting for the gruff hands to jerk him up and take him back to…

Maybe if he just laid there they would go away. Also not likely.

"Colonel?"

If he stayed very still, maybe they would leave him alone.

"Oh God Colonel, come on answer me."

_McKay?_

Sheppard wanted to roll over but that would really hurt.

"Colonel are you OK?"

Ah man, a worried McKay, that was a problem. A mad McKay would soon follow and say something stupid and the get the crap kicked out of him.

"Huh?" Could've gone better. Try, try again. "McKay?" Better, but it was still a croak.

"Colonel are you OK?"

"No McKay, I'm pretty fucking far from OK." Boy he loved that movie. Too bad he was in a position to use that particular line. In keeping with that train of thought, he wished he had a few marines to go medieval on that fat guy's ass. Or Ronon and his handgun. Either would be sweet.

"Colonel, I'm going to help you get cleaned up and take a look at your wounds."

_Perfect_. They found a way.

He felt the skimpy little gown get lifted.

_Double perfect._ More humiliation heaped on top of degradation.

"Sons of bitches," mumbled McKay through gritted teeth. "Bastards."

"Don't you do anything stupid McKay."

"Too late, already got taste the back o' me hand from that bastard. Nothing much else I can do anyway," McKay whispered. "But a man can dream."

_Yeah he can. Drones baby…**BOOM**!_

"Thanks." It was weak at best.

If Sheppard had tears, he might have cried. This man he had utterly snubbed. This man he had made grovel. This annoying friend and teammate who was cleaning wounds and other stuff…

"Um Sheppard, I draw the line at well…"

"S'okay McKay, I think I can handle a little responsibility here."

"Just so you understand; I don't do well with biological…anything."

This man, who now was biting back every sarcastic jibe and natural inclination to freak out, was doing a thankless job.

Sheppard was wrong.

He might have lost his trust in McKay's common sense, because common sense isn't so common. What he had not lost was his faith in McKay's abilities. Or he would not have put himself in the stasis pod on the Aurora.

"We're screwed McKay."

He heard a heavy sigh, "Yes we are."

Yes, John Sheppard is a selfish, selfish man because this time McKay was here; so John Sheppard was not alone.

McKay was here and John Sheppard had hope.

He also had to ask for forgiveness, just not yet.

* * *

Sheppard lay on his side as McKay continued to dress his wounds. 

"…Bugs Bunny in that one where Elmer Fudd is the cartoonist," explained Sheppard. "I mean don't you feel like someone's directing all this. Come on, I step through the Gate and a giant eyeball zaps me. How Acme can you get?"

McKay marveled for a moment before he answered. The man looked like a blind anesthesiologist tried to give him an epidural and he was talking about Looney Tunes. "I think it's more Daffy getting tortured by cartoonist Bugs," interjected Rodney keeping up his end of the pointless banter.

Sheppard flinched. "Did you have to say **that**?"

"Say what? Oh...sorry." McKay finished bandaging the holes in Sheppard's back from being _tortured_. Sheppard flinched again as he pressed the tape down. McKay scowled at everything in general.

"Hey, wait. You comparing me to Daffy?"

"_Never_ Colonel. I'm going to check your head next," he paused and parted his hair. "Just what you need, another hole in your head."

"Ha, ha. If we're going to be juvenile then…That was so funny I forgot to laugh."

"Clever Colonel." McKay found a large square gauze and placed it on the spot at the base of his skull. He heard Sheppard take a quick intake of air. "Sorry, it's probably bruised like everything else. Last but not least, let's check those damn ports."

McKay moved in front of Sheppard and looked at the two pieces of tubing. "I can't see. Let's roll you over to face the light of the door."

As gingerly as he could, Rodney helped Sheppard roll onto his back. Sheppard's face pinched and he moaned as he rolled. He panted when he finally reached his other side. Anger stood firmly in place as Rodney climbed over his friend's body.

He lifted the tubing gently and Sheppard flinched yet again. "What?" McKay asked.

"They hurt, pinch really."

"Well they're not infected even though our host left you in your own crapulence for- how long is anyone's guess."

"Thank you Monty Burns," huffed out Sheppard still trying to breathe through the pain. "Who do you think Beckett will be madder at- you, me, or them?

McKay sat down in Sheppard's line of vision.

"Them. Don't get me wrong, he'll blame me for allowing you to get in this condition after just getting you healthy again. But he's going to have a few choice phrases aimed at them. I know I do." McKay rummaged through the first aid kit. He found a chemical ice pack, crushed it and put it on his face with a sigh. "That's the stuff."

"What happened to you?" Sheppard asked getting a first good look at McKay's jaw.

'Taste the back o' me hand," he said casually.

"Oh. In that case, I'll tell you again," he stared directly at McKay, "Don't do anything _else_ stupid."

"I'll try my best to remember Colonel. No guarantees though," smirked McKay.

Sheppard snorted as his eyes started closing. "Tylenol must be helping a little."

_Bullshit_, he thought. Sheppard was already trying to misdirect him from worrying about his health. As a matter of fact, this entire conversation was a deliberate form of misdirection. Sheppard was trying to keep him focused on anything else and not him. And like his favorite X-man, doing it with style.

"Sleep Colonel, I'll try to stay out of trouble."

Bama opened the cell door and motioned McKay out.

Sheppard's eyes popped open with concern and maybe a little fear. It was so brief; McKay thought he might have imagined it.

No, it was there. The misdirection was not only for him. It was for Sheppard too. He let out another heavy sigh.

"Gotta go. Don't worry I'll be back." McKay stood up and turned towards Bama. "Lead on." He took one more look back at Sheppard who was watching him leave. He gave him a nervous nod and was out the door.

---------------

After they left the cell, Bama grabbed him by the upper arm and McKay was escorted quickly down the hallway.

"…Don't do anything stupid…" McKay sneered under his breath. He was going to take that as a, _"Be smart McKay."_ Whether that's what Sheppard meant or not, he was not going to take it any other way.

_"…We're screwed…"_ Translation,_ "McKay don't wait for Atlantis."_ And a lesser extent for Sheppard himself. _Well duh Colonel,_ he thought to himself. The Colonel was out for the count. He had just spent the last hour doing a job he definitely had not signed on for. He would do it again in a heartbeat if necessary. He allowed himself a mental cringe at that thought.

His mind turned to the situation. They were not on the apple people's planet- the sky was a slightly different color. They were definitely somewhere else and he did not know how they had arrived here. Was it the Stargate or other means? He did not see a Gate on the property so maybe other means. He was already looking and formulating. Unfortunately he had a whole lot of nothing right now. That would change.

Bama led him into Papa Jae's Wraith office, where the big man was waiting.

"Dr. McKay! How's Col. Sheppard doing?" He leaned back in his chair with his hands clasped on his oversized belly. He oozed insincere concern. The Great Pumpkin would not be visiting his pumpkin patch anytime soon.

"Much better than he was. Thanks so much for asking, even though you kept tabs via those monitors," said McKay pointing to a bank of screens behind the desk.

"Too right," he answered. "It's time I showed you why you're here."

He stood up from his desk and walked out into the hallway opposite of the lab. They made their way to the stairs and started going down farther into the complex. A similar door to the one that led to his office was at the end of a similar hallway.

They entered another lab that was about half the size of the one upstairs. In the middle, was a device of obvious Ancient origin and design. Any other time, Rodney would have reacted like Christmas had come early. His reaction was more of a lesser holiday- glad you have the day off but not much more. He knew exactly what this thing was.

"My little pets found this for me and brought it home. And by the look in your eyes, you know what it is." Papa Jae smiled as he smugly talked.

"It's a shield generator," said Rodney walking up to it with just a smidge of awe, "And it's portable."

"Yes, that's what I…my people guessed. But as you can see, it's missing a power source." Papa Jae stepped up behind him. "That's what we want/need you for. Your people have been living in the City of the Ancestors coexisting with their technology. Plus, I'm guessing, you've encountered Wraith technology."

"You want me to figure out how to connect the two. To connect the generator to whatever's powering this lab." Rodney circled the device again never taking his eyes off of it.

"Very astute doctor. An assistant will be down very shortly and Bama will remain with you. Let them know what you need. Doctor, Col. Sheppard will remain in his cell for the remainder of the evening unless you try something foolish. Is my meaning clear?"

"Hmm?" Rodney said absently until the words connected with his cogitating brain. "Yes, perfectly clear." Rodney shot him an irritated scowl. This was fascinating but anger and resentment were firmly in place.

Papa Jae left.

"OK, first I need my data pad…too bad I left my laptop on …" He stopped and caught himself. This was a great find that almost distracted him enough to let certain things slip. "…At our new home."

A second jailer floated into the room along with an assistant. He studied the orb. Possibilities started formulating. Scenarios played out. Routes of escape formed and collapsed on themselves. But an inkling started to take hold.

"The data pad is the flat screen device in my gear. I also need access to the Labyrinth's database. Oh and…" he started snapping his fingers, "my tool kit. Well, what are you gaping at? Go!"

The assistant ran quickly out of the room. Rodney smiled to himself, he could make any lowly subordinate panic and scurry. Even one that he was technically a prisoner of.

_Don't worry Colonel, the proverbial tunnel is still very dark, but the pinpoint of light at the end should start appearing very soon._

McKay continued smiling and started tinkering.

* * *

_A/N: What are you up to McKay? Should I say it...What's up doc? Sorry. John, baby, it's all right. I'm sure someone out there will volunteer to kiss your boo boos._


	5. Ring, Ring

_A/N: Posting Ch. 5 and Ch. 6 together because they are companions but just did not work in the same Chapter._

Chapter 5

Ring, Ring

_"Blood clot in your lungs. We caught it in time to prevent any damage or…well…"_

_"You wouldn't be talking to me now," Sheppard finished for Beckett from the hospital bed. He moved his head around. Teyla and Ronon were sitting up in their beds and Rodney was across from him dressed in casual clothes snoring._

_He was not ready to deal with McKay just yet. Sheppard frowned._

_"Why's he still here Doc?"_

_"We cannot get him to leave," Teyla answered instead. "Ever since your lapse."_

_"I think he's worried we'll disappear again. He's being…overly nice," added Ronon with a rumble._

_"It is not natural." Teyla looked unsettled, almost militant. "He needs to return to his former self so I know what to expect of him."_

_Ronon nodded in agreement._

_"He needs to leave the infirmary," stated Carson._

_"Get Lorne and tell him to find…" Sheppard yawned; he really was trying to stay awake, "…the Sixth Sense. Let's give him movie night away from here."_

_Carson smiled while asking, "Anything else?"_

_"Yeah, there is…" Sheppard said coyly while glancing at Teyla and Ronon._

Sheppard woke up on his floor in his cell.

"Come on Bobby, be in the shower." He peeped one eye open and looked around. "Nope, not a horrible, horrible dream, it's a horrible, horrible reality." He deflated.

He sat up, albeit gingerly and very slowly. He looked around the cell to locate the facilities. A trough cut into the floor seemed the only apparent place. Standing up woozily, he took care of the morning ritual with what he assumed was a video audience.

"Good morning Col. Sheppard!" A very cheerful, bright-eyed and bushy headed assistant greeted from the hallway outside the cell.

_Correct-a-mundo_, he thought.

He did not reply and stared noncommittally at the young woman. Another assistant, a big burly orderly type, waited for the door to open. When it did, Burly ordered him out with a wave of the hand. They walked the hallway in silence.

Bushy finally broke the silence once they reached the chair alcove. "Today we're going to map how your brain responds to Ancestral technology. We want to figure out how to make it work for us. Like the chair works for you."

"Chair's not Ancient," he mumbled.

"Ancient?" She asked while waiting for him to sit in the chair.

"Not of the Ancestors, it's Wraith. Whole lab is Wraith."

If she had had glasses, she would have been looking over them and down her nose at him. "Sure it is. That's why it only works for you."

"Sort of…" he looked out into the lab. Something so familiar and natural caught his eye. Rodney asleep at a console. It made him smile and very homesick.

Ironically, McKay was the answer to the question they were asking. The hell he would let them know that though. "Brain has very little to do with initial start up. Touch or presence of a certain code in the body does it."

Bushy stared blankly.

"This chair was specifically designed to work on an Ancestor. You don't have to do this. I can light up all the Ancestral doodads you want. None of you can because you don't have the right grandparents."

"Sit down Col. Sheppard."

His eyes narrowed, no way was he going to make it easy even if his legs were quickly becoming spaghetti. But something was out of focus. He called them idiots in his head but they did not seem the have any idea they were in a Wraith lab or that this equipment was not Ancient. Scientists, though arrogant and single minded at times, would certainly figure this out. At least his would.

Bushy lost her spunk and threatened him. "Don't make us physically put you in that chair." Burly stepped closer and loomed.

A door sliding open made him look back out into the lab. Bama walked out of the fat man's office, across the lab and pointed a gun, one of their guns, at Rodney's snoring head.

Sheppard sat down. His questions would have to wait.

Spider webbed restraints secured him in the chair. Burly pulled his head forward and removed the bandage to the back. Instead of multiple skewers up his back, he got the ice pick to the base of the skull only. Felt like an ice pick too. He could feel the little tentacles slithering inside his skull attaching to prearranged positions. Disconcerting was an appropriate sentiment. Terrifying was another.

"Now, let's get you some breakfast. Can't work on an empty stomach." Her spunk had returned.

An off topic thought occurred to him as the chair maneuvered into place. If this sludge was older than dregs at a stop and rob, what kind of effect would it have on him? He did not think they were the kind to update the rations. Even Ronon would have trouble ingesting this stuff.

After a scrumptious breakfast, they started their laughable experiments. The life signs detector (his or McKay's probably) was the first thing placed in his hand. The current gave him a tingling sensation under his skull. It made his eyes itch. Next, Burly gave him another type of scanner that reminded him of a Geiger counter. More tingling and a monster headache pulsing with each heartbeat were his reward for it lighting up so nicely. Lastly, they brought out the coups de grace, except it was not really. The other one that he lived in had been though. It scared him shitless anyway.

His heart rate shot up and he really tried to pry himself out of the chair. He curled his hand up, but Burly undid it and placed the innocuous red cube in it. He waited that entire second for death. Instead, a hologram of a man emerged speaking in the long dead language of the Ancients. That was it. He still tried to let go but Burly would not let him. The tingle in his head morphed into a migraine of astronomical size then vertigo hit and his stomach flip flopped.

He realized the chair was thwarting any mental commands from the occupant. The scanner did not respond to mental commands so not much of a reaction. The cube must and that was why he had the massive headache. This just kept getting better and better.

They took the cube finally and shut the machine down. "Well Colonel, we're done. Bose here will take you back to you room."

They pulled him out and he could hardly stand. He leaned heavily on Bose. He looked up and out into the lab where Rodney had been sleeping. Rodney was wide-awake and his jaw was working as he watched Sheppard intently from across the lab.

For his part, Sheppard tried to give him an-everything-is-fine smile, but throwing up all over Bose's shoes negated that.

_Guess I'm not going to have to worry about the effects of that crap after all._

Bose pushing him away and Sheppard landing flat on his face supported that negation. Warm blood trickling and tickling him down his back also tattled on his attempted lie.

Rodney crossed the lab faster than if the dinner bell had called him. He knelt down and sat Sheppard onto his knees before helping him to his feet. Before Rodney said a word, Bama pulled him jerkily away. Left unsupported, Sheppard was on his face once again.

"Well, I got to keep the nightgown this time," grumbled Sheppard embarrassed by his lack of equilibrium.

He shakily pushed himself to his knees again and came face to knee cap with the fat guy.

"Col. Sheppard stay where you are. Bose will help you up." Papa Jae's gaze hardened on McKay. "Doctor, I said his needs would be met. You go do your job and we'll do ours."

Bama dragged a glowering McKay back across the lab to the console.

Papa Jae gave a chastising tsk tsk to Bose. "Be more careful, we don't need Dr. McKay distracted. He has very important work to do."

There were two things Sheppard noticed this fine morning- besides the rancid crud injected into him was beige. One, Marlon Brando did want McKay distracted. Sheppard was there (most likely by luck) to keep him off balance. To keep McKay fixated on Brando's problem and not escape. To keep him from noticing the world around him.

Guy had not done his homework on the astrophysicist. McKay could see possibilities and strategies for more than two problems at a time. Hell, he could probably have as many three going- _hello_ _multitasker_.

Two, Bushy never took notes. What kind of scientist never takes notes? This entire lab was full of posers. They were not doing anything. They walked around, looked at monitors, and moved things around. The equipment was a ruse and did not interest Marlon in the least. All for show, an injured teammate was a liability. It kept McKay tethered here because McKay would not leave him in this condition. Sheppard knew that with as much certainty as Brando did. Sheppard was a huge anchor stuck on a rock.

McKay had to be threatened out of the infirmary to go see a movie. In order for Rodney to leave without him, if it became necessary, Sheppard may have to take himself out of the equation. Rodney would hate him but it would make it easier in the long run. Sheppard was still a selfish man but McKay's welfare trumped his needs.

A third observation presented itself as he watched Brando follow McKay with his eyes. The man was afraid of Rodney. Not shaking in his boots because of physical harm afraid. But a force to be reckoned with afraid. He realized that McKay could bring his little empire down with a thunderous crash if not handled right.

Thus, the option cemented itself with that final observation. Move past the liability card. Motivate McKay to step up his plans and get out of Dodge. Even if Rodney never knew why Sheppard was about to do what he was going to do, it would go along way towards Sheppard forgiving himself.

Bose hauled Sheppard to his feet. His knees immediately buckled. The orderly held him up with one of Sheppard's arms over his shoulder and he grabbed him around the waist.

"Bose, escort him back to his cell and make him comfortable."

_Funny asshole_, thought Sheppard as Bose practically dragged him through the doorway. _What's he gonna do? Fluff the floor?_

However, Sheppard knew he had Brando's number and he was willing to make the call. Their next meeting would be interesting if this guy picked up the phone.

He gave a quick last look over his shoulder to McKay.

Atonement is a bitch.

* * *

_A/N: Does anyone have 35 cents for Shep to borrow so he doesn't have to call collect?_


	6. Hey, Wait a Minute

_A/N: Posting Ch. 5 and Ch. 6 together because they are companions but just did not work in the same Chapter._

Chapter 6

Hey, Wait a Minute

Something clicked in Rodney's head. The Wraith influence was completely gone. Because if not, that obscenity to human kind; the one throwing Sheppard on the floor; would have a broken neck. He had not noticed until now; all feelings of anger and hate were his alone.

Now all that remained was his gifted, ultra-brilliant, inventive brain. _Wait till they get a load of me_, he thought to himself.

After Papa Jae introduced him to the generator, it had only taken a few minutes of time with the lab's database to figure out- no ZPM, no shield. All systems in the Labyrinth were equipped with a virus similar to the one that infected the Daedalus. Any Ancient technology that came in direct contact with any system would automatically be corrupted.

The virus was probably a defense mechanism because of the Ancient prisoners they kept here. It lessened any chance of escape. His own data pad was now a risk to bring back to Atlantis when they escaped. And escape they would. Since his primary task was a bust, it left him all sorts of time to ponder the possibilities.

All night he studied their database making a good show of working on the shield. His Wraith was still a fledgling, but he understood enough. He found the eyeballs' logs and system schematics. Dismayed was a good way to describe the knowledge that they had been gone over a week already. The eyeballs were space worthy and flew them here from the apple planet since the Stargate was engaged by Atlantis. Even if the Stargate was inactive, the little spies did not have a DHD. So it took a week for them to get here and deliver their human cargo.

He read their logs and lines of programming code. They went out and searched for Ancient artifacts. They had a specific purpose, if he or anyone from Atlantis were discovered- bring them home to Papa. Sheppard was a particularly interesting find. He carried that gene naturally so registered as an Ancestor to them and capturing Ancients had been their original function. Their only limit was that they could store only one unit of data at a time. One person. One piece of equipment. Whatever.

He definitely could not wait for Atlantis. They would not have any clue where to look. The Mau might have known something if PJ was a constant trading partner. They might know that the eyeballs, if they had been seen, were his. He was not going to hold his breath. The only other possibility would be if they left a trail. He did not know enough about them yet to make that leap. This was not Star Trek after all with their bread crumbs of ion trails. It was up to him.

His alarm clock was that damnable chair and it really took everything he had to look at it. He saw some Geiger counter device in Sheppard's hand as he convulsed. His anger returned as did his resolve. They would not be staying any longer than necessary.

Sheppard might have been in dire straights but he surveyed the room in between sessions. He was people watching. His eyes followed different individuals as they went about their business. He kept track of them until the red cube came out. McKay did not think Sheppard could get any whiter but he did. He bucked and refused to accept it. Understandable really. The obscenity made him take it.

That was when Rodney clicked. The only malevolence surging through him was his own and it did not scare him. No homicidal tendencies. Oh sure he would root for a can of whoop ass to be opened up by Ronon, Teyla, Lorne or Stackhouse. Anyone really. He could even see himself causing mischief but nothing homicidal. And that was a relief.

However, what had Sheppard noticed that he had not? So Rodney people watched as they fried his friend's brain. He came to the conclusion they needed someone like him to run the Labyrinth. Not him mind you, he already had a job. These people were allowed to lollygag. Too much aimless wandering…**not** doing any work.

_Son of a bitch. That bastard._

Sham. No wonder he considered the techs working the chair morons. They were. They had no knowledge about any of this. He looked at a close by screen, it just ran random images. No notes. No one was taking notes. No information sharing. Just discussions on what to push next on the screen. He was such a single minded idiot sometimes. But Sheppard had noticed. Amazing.

McKay stared at Sheppard. A long time ago someone told him an injured teammate was a liability. A dead one was no longer a problem because they did not need you anymore. Sheppard knew this was a sham. He knew that he was a liability.

"Goddamn it, don't you dare…" Without a second thought, he channeled Michael Johnson and sprinted across the lab to help Sheppard.

He did not get a chance to say anything but he read the colonel's body language. The man's hackles were raised; he was going to start pressing buttons. Sheppard always knew the right one's to push too.

Bama and Orson were keeping them separated on purpose. Keeping them from communicating with each other. Even in the cell, Bama was there to eavesdrop. Orson was using misdirection almost as well as Sheppard.

As the obscenity hauled Sheppard out, he looked over his shoulder and gave a half-smile.

_So long McKay._

At least that is what McKay heard in his head as Bama not so gently escorted him back to his work station. Rodney's mouth went dry as his hackles were raised.

**_NO WAY IN HELL._**

* * *

_A/N: That's right McKay, you get good and mad now. _


	7. No Stars for You!

Chapter 7 

No Stars for You!

He had remained curled up on his side for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon or so he guessed. The vertigo had left, as had the nausea. The migraine was receding to a nice drum solo. Moving still remained a very bad idea because he hurt everywhere. Thirst was ever present since his liquid diet, that Bose wore, was the only thing he had had all day. He was not giving this place any stars for accommodations or food. He simply must let AAA know.

He knew what he had to do and he was ready. As the door slid open and two sets of hands grasped him, he put his game face on. He tried to pseudo-walk, but it ended up being more of a drag to the lab.

Brando met him at the door.

_Just the man I wanted to see._

"Tonight, I'm having a dinner for you and Dr. McKay but seeing as your diet is specialized, you're invited to cocktails only." Papa Jae lifted Sheppard's head up by the chin until their eyes met. "Best behavior, and to ensure that Dr. McKay's on his best behavior, you'll be seen and not heard."

Sheppard's eyebrows shot towards his hairline. He laughed.

"You're afraid of him." Sheppard put his feet under him and stood up to the best of his ability. "You've been keeping him in line by using me. Keeping him distracted." Sheppard knew that was a lie. McKay was not distracted but no reason Brando should know. "You have no interest in any of this technology. You're putting on a show."

Papa Jae did not smile. His face remained expressionless. Therefore, Sheppard smiled for him.

A thick, heavy hand slapped him hard enough to wipe that smile off his face. Except it didn't. Sheppard smiled even bigger as the fresh split in his lip pulled. The only reason he did not fall down was the two sets of hands holding him.

"I'm right, you need to me to keep him doing whatever job you have for him. McKay'll figure it out that nobody in this lab's doing anything. And if he doesn't, I have."

Papa Jae took the same thick hand and grabbed Sheppard by the throat. He waved the escorts away and drove him backwards until his extremely tender back impacted the wall behind him. Their eyes never left each other's.

"I'd be very afraid. He blew up a solar system because his curiosity got the better of him," Sheppard garbled. "The man…" he choked and gasped as the hand tightened making spots dance the tango before him. "…is high maintenance."

A macabre red tinged smile remained on his face just goading the enormous man. "Just wait until I tell him. McKay's logical to a fault, he'll know what to do with an arrogant bastard like you."

Papa Jae's anger turned to rage. He ripped the top of the gown down and yanked mercilessly on the shoulder port until it came free.

Sheppard howled as blood spurted with each pump of his heart and poured down the rest of the gown. Jae let him go and he dropped with a slap of skin on hard floor.

Sheppard had gotten the result he was looking for. He looked up and gave Brando a triumphant smile. His collect call was accepted and a seed was planted. Now he hoped his little stunt did not get McKay killed. Life is full of risks though.

The rage flitted through Papa Jae's eyes until he realized his leverage could bleed out and die. "You wanted me to do that." He looked at his assistants and started barking orders. "Get the doctor in here to take care of that shoulder. And shut his mouth for the duration of his stay with us."

"It almost worked Colonel Sheppard. But you're not saying anything to Dr. McKay." Papa Jae lifted him up by the throat. "Best manners tonight or I'll take it out on both of you." He looked at an assistant. "I want him ready by cocktails."

Sheppard passed out. Papa Jae let him go. Sheppard's body pathetically hit the floor with a slap for a second time.

* * *

_"Funny thing is Colonel I don't remember making the decision to leave my little dream fantasy world. Even if it was a Wraith culling."_

_"Well McKay, about…about…"_

McKay's head shot up from his data pad and whispered to himself, "Well McKay, about that…"

Where had that come from? It was an unfinished conversation that had been put on hold. One he kept meaning to get back to. Pulmonary embolism, Sheppard appeared to just fall asleep on him. The monitors said different.

Right now, he had time to rehash things in his head. His genius mind had been uncluttered to only fifteen or twenty things as opposed to the forty or fifty that took up residence in normal, everyday, Atlantis life. It zeroed in on that particular day for- what reason?

No Wraith influence, no fear of himself, no fear of the what ifs…

All gone. Like it was removed.

_"Didn't trust me to come back on my own…"_

_"No. I couldn't take the chance."_

Sheppard made him wake up. He took all the crazy with him. The threats were classic Sheppard misdirection. Ignore the man behind the curtain. The man wanted him to think he had a choice, but there wasn't one. It wasn't an ultimatum; it was one program erasing another.

If he continued on this tangent- the Pavilion's memories were gone in Sheppard. He had asked about the claustrophobia on the Aurora. Sheppard looked at him like he as nuts and said he wasn't. Never had been. The burn on the forehead must have been their removal. His arm had a similar burn from where Sheppard had touched him in the infirmary.

In turn, Sheppard removed the remnants of the Wraith program. He could read minds but he could influence only that which did not belong or had been part of an Ancient program. Well the what ifs were McKay's but without the doubts the Wraith implanted in his stability, they were nothing but a dull roar in the back of his mind. His memories were still intact but not the crazy.

McKay had been half expecting to fall apart at any moment. This situation was so far out of his control; he expected at least one panic attack before now. It was not happening because the root cause of such behavior was gone. Oh sure he was one-step away from freaking out but not losing touch with reality.

He and Sheppard were going to have to have a long- get oneself completely smashed- conversation when they got back.

Sheppard was doing it now; that cavalier, jaunty smile thrown casually over the shoulder- misdirection. He was getting ready to play some sort of game with Orson Wells.

McKay needed to get back upstairs and watch out for that misguided num-nut. Sheppard was going to do something stupid thinking he was helping, protecting, or even rescuing McKay.

"Idiotic, overprotective ass."

He kept his own ruse going by clucking his tongue and switching crystals. He would tap on his data pad- _taking notes!-_ and scowl thoughtfully at nothing in particular.

"Hey Godzilla, I need to go back upstairs to the main lab," he said to Bama who stood just inside the doorway.

Bama shook his head.

"No really, I need to check the conduit compatibility with the crystalline structure of the direct link to the control interface."

Bama shook his head again, stepped forward and grabbed McKay by the upper arm. They almost walked right into Papa Jae. Spattered blood stained his shirt and he looked ruffled- as in upset.

"What happened to you?" A very, very bad feeling crept over McKay.

"Thank you for your concern but it's not mine. It's Col. Sheppard's."

McKay frowned so hard his face hurt- he was too late. "Is…is he…"

"He'll be there for cocktails." Papa Jae affixed a smile to his pudgy face. "How goes our experiment?"

Rodney was trying to get all the scenarios out of his head that included that much blood to be splattered when he answered. "Slow, but progress is being made. It should only take another week or so to get everything calibrated."

"Excellent!" Papa Jae clapped him on the shoulder. "Now I need you to go get ready for dinner."

"I really need to see Col. Shep…"

"Clothes are on your bed. I'll send someone to escort you upstairs." Papa Jae left without another word.

Rodney stood stunned. This asshole was worried about dinner and not the gallon of blood covering his shirt. Bama dragged him out and down and up and into his room.

Oh, he and Sheppard were going to have a long talk about the genius that is McKay and to never doubt his capacity for survival. Sometimes he wondered if Sheppard had any self-preservation notions what so ever.

_Damn it Sheppard, we are so close; don't you go dying on me- again._

* * *

_A/N: Sheppard, Sheppard what are ya thinking boy-o? McKay, he's Kirk remember. How many times did he "die"._


	8. Seen and Not Heard

Chapter 8 

Seen and Not Heard

McKay was a bundle of nerves, his fingernails fell victim quickly. To top it off, pacing the floor of his room was wholly unsatisfying- it just was not long enough. What had Sheppard done? What would he find when he saw Sheppard? All the blood.

_"Go see a movie with some of the crew McKay. Zelenka is going to bring the refreshments from what I understand. Plus, I think it's a movie you'd like to see." Sheppard lay in the bed grinning whole-heartedly. "Teyla is ready to drop kick your butt out of here if you don't leave."_

_"No respect. I give of myself and get no respect," Rodney pouted. "You just don't appreciate my selflessness."_

_"Yeah that's it, selflessness. Annoying is another way to put it. We're not going anywhere Rodney. You need a break or we'll go crazy…again." Sheppard yawned. "Go or we'll get Stackhouse to carry your ass down there."_

He had gone to see the movie. That is when he realized they were back and not going anywhere. He even enjoyed the movie until he fell asleep three quarters of the way through. He really had to finish it one day. He had watched it six more times; fell asleep each time. Still did not know how it ended.

A noise outside his room broke him from his musings. Finally, the obscenity opened the door to escort him upstairs. They entered the foyer and his escort showed him into a formal parlor. He spotted Sheppard immediately propped up in an overstuffed chair. Bama stood to the side and behind keeping guard. McKay sighed in relief as he walked over to him. At least he was still alive.

McKay slowed as he drew nearer. Sheppard was incredibly pale. Clammy, white, pasty, pale. Rodney positively glowed with a tan in comparison. It looked like it was taking everything to sit in the chair and he did not have much left. They were dressed similarly in a light suit- a tunic like jacket with gauzy light beige pants. It made the colonel look even paler. He was set up like a Christmas window display to show off esteemed Atlantean personages.

"Colonel, good to see they let you out of the dungeon," said McKay mustering his usual sarcastic wit.

Sheppard turned his face so Rodney got a full view of it. Anger was so not going anywhere any time soon. A handprint and split lip tiredly smiled at him. No, that was wrong; livid was standing shoulder-to-shoulder with anger and trying to shove it out of the way.

"Colonel…what…who…never mind, I already know," he said as he rubbed his own jaw. His sarcastic wit took a backseat to concern. After giving Bama a scathing glare, McKay scanned the room for Papa Jae. He saw him making last minute arrangements with some of the help.

McKay stopped. Something else was wrong. McKay eyed Sheppard with suspicion.

"Colonel, I didn't hear a snappy comeback. Like something about, _I guess that's why you're the genius McKay_. Say something Colonel." Livid now had anger's head under its boot.

"He can't Dr. McKay. He's the obedient child tonight, seen and not heard." Papa Jae said as he joined the three men.

He had been very wrong. Livid was amped up to seeing red.

"You sadistic…arrogant…coc…" He did not finish because a hand grabbed his wrist and weakly pulled it back.

The weakness in the grip startled him and he frowned at it. The bloodshot, green eyes looked fiercely back at him. He could hear Sheppard's voice in his head, _Don't you say another fucking word_.

Sheppard winced as he let go. McKay nodded at his teammate and gave Papa Jae a hateful glare.

"Col. Sheppard will only be joining us for cocktails. I wanted you to see he was still with us. I know my appearance earlier must have been shocking." Papa Jae turned to leave. "My guests will be arriving soon, best behavior gentlemen."

McKay had had enough. "Jae…"

"Papa Jae, please Dr. McKay."

"Fine. Papa Jae," he said through his teeth, "If you want me to behave tonight and play nice with all your friends, Col. Sheppard will be taken to my quarters or other quarters not that cell. No more work tonight." McKay swallowed and poked his chin out. "Have someone bring him some water right now so he doesn't pass out on one of your guests."

"How dare you sir…"

"Oh please, you need me to get that generator working. If anyone here could have done it they would have." McKay stepped forward and right into Papa Jae's face. "Col. Sheppard will go in that chair only one more time and that is to fix whatever brain damage you've caused him. If you don't agree, I won't behave and that generator will remain a garden sculpture."

Sheppard gave Papa Jae a dark, superior smirk. He mouthed "boom".

Papa Jae's jaw ground his teeth audibly. "You will work on that generator and entertain my guests with stories of the great city. Or I will…"

"What zap me with the eyeballs? Torture him some more? Hit me? You need me and I need him." McKay never let his gaze waver.

"Don't make demands of me sir. I can find someone else."

"See that's where you're wrong. There is no one like me, I'm unique."

After a long pause and more posturing Papa Jae reluctantly conceded.

"Col. Sheppard will be taken to your room and," he waved a server over, "Tylar'll bring some water. My word as a gentleman sir. However, don't you ever try something like this again or I will find a replacement. Dr. McKay, there's always a price for pride."

The server left with him as he made his way to the foyer.

McKay heard a soft snort from behind him in the chair.

"What are you laughing at?"

Sheppard just shook his head in response.

McKay looked at Bama who still had not said a word the entire time they were there. Bama shook his own head solemnly.

Then without warning, Sheppard pitched forward only to be caught by Bama. McKay squatted down in front of him.

"Come on Colonel, stay with me." McKay grabbed his shoulder to push him back.

Sheppard's eyes popped open and let loose a scream worthy of the vacuum of space. McKay quickly removed his hand as Sheppard inhaled and exhaled heavily.

"Damn it! What was that?" McKay lightly felt the bandages underneath the tunic. "That's where the port is…was."

Half-lidded eyes stared back as Sheppard swallowed.

"Did they remove it? Or did you piss him off?"

That earned a proud but tired smile.

"Son of a bitch ripped it out didn't he?"

Sheppard nodded.

"That would explain all the blood and why you look like a wrung out dishrag." McKay just closed his eyes. "I want to go home. Don't you?" After opening his eyes, he gave Sheppard an intense stare. "So let's play nice and maybe that _will_ happen."

Sheppard let one end of his mouth quirk up and slowly blinked.

Behind them voices began to echo in the foyer. People were shown into the parlor picking up drinks and hors d'oeuvres as they entered. One well-dressed woman made a beeline for them. Time to put on a show.

"You must be the Atlanteans that are here to help us!" She greeted as she breezed across the room.

Sheppard and McKay exchanged mirthless expressions.

"Yes we are," replied McKay just shy of a sigh.

* * *

"Those eyes are driving me to distraction Dr. McKay." A fresh young voice tried to enjoin him in conversation. 

His traitorous self finished plucking the meat off a particularly succulent local fowl leg before he answered. "Sorry?" He looked up from his supper.

"Your eyes Dr. McKay. Blue eyes are a rarity on Ixion. And I noticed your friend, Col. Sheppard, had green," Lia pointed out sweetly. "Although, he's not much of a conversationalist."

McKay pinned an angry glare on her, "Brown is the most prevalent where I come from. Blue is a recessive gene and not as common. It's all about genetics." He turned to face his host, "Isn't it Papa Jae?"

Papa Jae took no notice of the other heads turning towards him and watched the gathering like a grand dictator. He simply nodded at McKay.

"Which begs the question Dr. McKay. Where is Col. Sheppard? He seemed ill," the well-dressed woman from earlier asked. "I hope it's not catching. I just got over a cold myself." She smiled at the table.

"Well now, I believe Papa Jae could better answer that question," said Rodney conceding the floor to his host.

Papa Jae was not flustered by the question at all. McKay figured he was used to thinking on his feet.

"You're right Mrs. Stuert; he is not feeling well. He has been ill for a couple of days now. I had one of my men take him to a guestroom downstairs." Papa Jae leaned back in his chair.

"How very disappointing. I was so hoping to hear about the Great City from both of you." She smiled expectantly back at Rodney.

"Before that, I have some good news. Dr. McKay thinks he can have the generator working in a few days. Isn't that right?" He gave a McKay a challenging grin.

"Well yes, that's right." McKay let a moment of guilt wash over him. The people they had met tonight were nice. They were polite. They did not know their host's true nature. Unfortunately, there was only one thing to make that shield run and these people could not help it if their dinner host was an asshole.

Ooohs and aaahs went around the table.

"That's wonderful news!" An older gentleman exclaimed. "So what are we going to owe you sir for this great deed? Papa Jae has only said you were helping. There has been no mention of payment."

And, if McKay could only keep his mouth shut…

"Let Col. Sheppard and me go home." It was out before he could stop himself. He gave the head of the table a stricken look.

Papa Jae laughed congenially as others at the table looked at each other confused.

"Dr. McKay and Col. Sheppard have not been home since they started helping us. The colonel has been too ill. He insisted on meeting those he was helping tonight but I fear it has taken a heavy toll on him. He was injured fighting the Wraith. You see they are experienced in handling our common enemy. So in return for nursing the colonel back to health, Dr. McKay has agreed to help us." He finished with a confident expression on his face.

"Our Dr. Hallidy took a look at him earlier. He is a gifted healer but even he can't help all ailments." Papa Jae took a drink from his glass. "Hate to see him get any worse. Wouldn't you agree Dr. McKay?"

Rodney pursed his lips before he answered. "Yes…and I thank you …for nursing him…back to health." _My ass_, he added silently to himself. How could he be so…careless?

However, the insights kept on coming. This man wanted to be these people's hero. He wanted to be their savior. He just did not want them to know how he had become such a beloved icon. He did not want them to know that all the festivities up above was covering a deep darkness just underneath their feet.

It was all about feeding his ego. Rodney could understand that. However, he could not understand feeding it to the point of gluttony like this man obviously had. Sacrificing his humanity so he could play the hero. No that was wrong; Rodney could understand that too.

Papa Jae raised his glass to Rodney and continued with other conversations.

He stared at his plate. He hoped that his slip up did not go against Sheppard in any way. The vultures were already circling him, but he was not dead yet. Not if Rodney had any say.

"Dr. McKay, could you tell us a story about living in the great city? The Ancestors must have left many interesting things." Aggie asked.

"Yes, please do Dr. McKay," Papa Jae entreated ever so politely.

"Well, of course…" He looked down at his plate once more. "We connected with Atlantis' Stargate and stepped onto a concourse that hadn't seen any form of life in over 10,000 years. Col. Sheppard stepped through and the city came alive…"

He kept it generic. He talked about finding the energy creature, exploring sections, and the Wraith attacking. He told them how he narrowly escaped as the city imploded so the Wraith could not get it.

The guests made the appropriate noises at the appropriate times and listened with such attention, Rodney thought he should become a storyteller in his next life. He had them eating out of the palm of his hand.

The banquet ended, after-dinner drinks ended, and the guests started to leave. Bama stood next to Rodney until the last guest exited. Papa Jae closed the door and in a fluid move- unexpected with such bulk- backhanded Rodney across the face. Knuckles slammed into his eye and grazed across his nose.

McKay went sprawling and sliding across the hardwood.

"What was that for?" McKay yelled with his hand over his eye.

"For the slip up at the table and for you arrogance before hand. My word has been kept. Col. Sheppard is your responsibility tonight. Nevertheless, you will continue work on that generator tomorrow and you'll have two days to finish it. If that doesn't happen, Col. Sheppard will take a few more turns in that chair. It can keep him going for a long while." Papa Jae loomed over McKay. "Is my meaning clear?"

McKay peered up at the big man with his one good eye. "Sparkling."

"Take him to his room. Any other problems and you'll both be back in the Wraith cells with no more perks Dr. McKay."

Bama hauled him up and delivered him to his room. The door opened and McKay panicked. Sheppard lay collapsed on the floor.

"Could've put him on the bed!" He yelled as they shut the door.

Two days. More than enough time, they would not be here after the two days. He would make sure.

* * *

_A/N: Gee Rodney, you should've zigged or zagged or ducked._


	9. Mack Truck Parking

_A/N: I must thank everyone who is reading and/or reviewing. I am grinning ear to ear._

Chapter 9

Mack Truck Parking

His face throbbed. He grabbed a cloth and put water from the tap in the bathroom on it. Hopefully, just the cold water would help the swelling in his eye. He looked at the way too still form of Sheppard on the bed.

Somehow he finagled Sheppard, the rag doll, on to it. He figured that moving him would illicit some sort of response- it didn't. Not even his facial features gave a clue to pain or lack of it. So he watched and listened with worry poking him in the back on the head.

After checking Sheppard over quickly, he noticed the addition of another port in the other shoulder. He had not noticed that upstairs. Now as he sat on the floor, he hung his head. _Was there no end?_

He was so not cut out for this. He wished his brilliant thought processes had told him to sabotage the damn chair when he had a chance. Done anything to it so it was inoperable. The only reason they kept using it was to keep Sheppard and him under their thumb. Well Papa Jae's monster thumb. That chair only served to weaken the occupant, soften them up for the final round of questions that would never come.

However, the chair was the only thing feeding Sheppard. McKay had not bargained for food. Water, yes. He looked at a pitcher on the side table. Food, no. Sheppard would have thought of every need. Rodney had just wanted to keep him out of that chair and out of that cell. He had forgotten to think three moves ahead.

So, he sat on the floor, watched Sheppard sleep, vainly nursed his eye and went over his escape plan. Tomorrow he would hopefully finish it and get the Colonel returned to his vocal self. He had a few details to iron out but it was looking good.

The door to the room opened and an older gentleman walked in. "I'm Dr. Hallidy. I've come to check on his shoulder."

With his one good eye, McKay looked at him suspiciously.

"I took care of his shoulder earlier. I told Jae I needed to come back and check it."

"Nice job," retorted Rodney.

The doctor studied McKay. "What happened to your eye?"

"Would you believe the door hit me?" Rodney said to the floor with a humorless chuckle.

The doctor knelt in front of him. "Let me see. I have something that will be better than that old rag." He rummaged around in a bag and pulled out a poultice and pressed it to McKay's eye.

McKay hissed through his teeth and gave his usual litany of, "Ow, ow, ow, ow!"

The doctor handed him a small canister. "Put this salve on after twenty minutes."

Hallidy stood up and walked to the bed. He gently turned Sheppard over onto his back and began checking him over.

"Dr. McKay? What's going on here?"

_Where do I even start?_ McKay thought to himself.

"What do you mean?"

"This man is drugged."

Still holding the poultice to his eye, he clambered over to the bed.

"Have you given him anything?" Hallidy asked.

"No nothing. He's had nothing but…" McKay looked at the pitcher of water by the bed.

He closed his eyes. Once again, old PJ was one step ahead when it concerned Sheppard. They did exactly as asked and gave him water. They just added a little something something to it.

"Couldn't take the chance of us communicating with each other," he whispered to himself. He looked at the doctor dejectedly. "Check the pitcher."

Hallidy walked over to the pitcher and looked at McKay incredulously. "But why would Jae do something…" his voice trailed off as he sniffed the pitcher. Disbelief spread across his face. "You're right. Have you had any?"

"No."

Bama appeared in the doorway.

Hallidy looked at the man. "Bama, where's Jae? I need to talk to him when I'm done here."

Bama nodded and waited.

The doctor finished checking Sheppard over. As he rolled Sheppard back onto his side he saw the back of his head. "What is that?"

Bama came in and motioned the doctor out of the room.

"Wait Bama, I need to finish."

"No."

McKay's head whipped around at the first rumble of a voice to come from the man. His face and head did not appreciate it.

"Alright Bama, I need to see Jae." Hallidy faced McKay. "He's just sleeping. He might feel a little off when he wakes up but from the condition he's in, that's the least of his worries." He started towards the door. "I'll be back to check on you both."

They left and the door locked.

"I doubt that very much," lamented Rodney.

Regardless, a small satisfied smile crept across his face. PJ might be the master player when it comes to Sheppard but he had given him too much latitude in the lab. And Rodney knew how to cover his tracks completely. Once again he sat against the wall and watched Sheppard on the bed. PJ might be one step ahead with Sheppard but he was three steps ahead in the lab. He would get the last laugh.

Rodney went to sleep secure in that knowledge.

* * *

Sheppard's eyes focused on the spotless wall. His head was full of lead cotton- really heavy and fuzzy. He tried to move but failed. That was not the only thing he failed at...He was a bigger anchor and now he was as weak as a kitten and just as fierce. But he did know that McKay had a plan. _Wink, wink._

This was not his cell sweet cell; he missed his little spot. _How weird is that?_ He attempted to roll over again and succeeded. Geez, Rodney had been living the life. He had furniture in his home away from home **and** a bathroom.

_Thirsty, so thirsty._ He went to grab for the pitcher that the guy had left last night. It was gone. He exhaled- dehydration was setting in- his tongue felt two inches thick. He also felt loopy. Blood loss, maybe. No, well yes, but no. It was more the feeling he got from the good stuff in Beckett's magical medicine cabinet.

When did they slip him something? All he has was the water…

_Shit._

_Rodney?_ He could see a blanket on the floor where he had slept. _Damn_. He was here and they came for him before Sheppard woke up. Together yet separated.

_Great._

Sheppard started with his morning checklist of two. Take a leak and lie on the bed. The first was a big production for little return. He stumbled, weaved and hung on to the wall for dear life. All for nothing, even he knew that wasn't good. He looked at the tap water. Should he risk it being contaminated? He could not feel too much worse. He took a small drink and spat it back out. It tasted awful. He sighed and looked back towards the bed. Then he realized he had to make the six step return trip. He did it and collapsed. Well, his list was now painfully complete.

Apples. Boring apples. What he wouldn't give for boring, green delicious apples.

_"I'll let Lorne have that one. He deserves an assignment to hone his leadership skills."_

_Weir nodded in agreement. "He'll appreciate it I think Colonel. Remember John, the plues are important too."_

_"Oh I know; it'll be a nice breather. We can take our time and enjoy a little Mau hospitality." He gave what he hoped was a convincing devil may care grin. "Anyway, I'll convince Rodney to study the physics of apple picking."_

_She returned his smile._

_He continued, "Just have back up ready for Major Lorne in case the Daedalus' intel was a little off. I recommend Sgt. Brooks' and Sgt. Dunn's teams. If worse comes to worse, they can croon the Wraith away."_

_She grimaced, "Yes, I'm sure they haven't heard that before." She pursed her lips before speaking again, "How is Rodney? No problems?"_

_Sheppard broke eye contact, "He's good. I don't anticipate any problems."_

_She eyed him guardedly, "Well good…That's all for right now. I'll let you inform your teammate of the manual labor he's been volunteered for."_

_"Oh he'll love it," proclaimed Sheppard confidently._

_They both stood up._

_"I'm sure. Good luck."_

Hands interrupted him, always with the manhandling. He was hauled up from the bed. Brando greeted him.

_Yeah, Rodney's enjoying this as much as I am right now._

"You're lookin' a might better there Colonel."

Sheppard curled a lip at him.

"I want to see if any of my other trinkets work."

_Happy, happy, joy, joy. Food? Water? No Drugs? Hello?_

They started walking him down the hall to a set of stairs and into the lab. He did not see Rodney as he was led through it. His buddy Bose held his hand, so to speak, and guided him the other way from the chair into another little room. It contained shelves and doodads galore. Their gear was there without their weapons of course. They sat him down in an ordinary armed chair. Major relief there, he did not mind admitting.

"I would actually like to see this device in action," declared Papa Jae.

Sheppard was handed a life signs detector.

"Since it's something you and Dr. McKay carried on you."

_Well, I could tell you all about it ass-munch but I can't talk._ Frustrating.

He grasped it in his hand and pointed to each blip and their corresponding person in the room with the other hand.

"So it shows where a person is in proximity to the device?" Papa Jae confirmed. "How can I use it?"

Sheppard's eyebrows receded to his hairline and he shook his head. He handed the device, with a little encouragement, to a reluctant assistant. It went dark. He smirked and gave a can't-help-ya-there-buddy shrug of the shoulders.

The assistant looked at the useless piece of technology in her hand and offered up some information, "He told me earlier that you have to have the right grandparents. It's a code or something."

"Like Teka. He could interact with parts of the lab that others couldn't." Papa Jae seemed to let his thoughts drift for a moment.

The assistant still holding the life signs detector prodded him back to the present with a question. "Isn't this a lab of the Ancestors? I thought Teka was part of them."

"You've caught me in a small lie. The Labyrinth was created by the Wraith to study the Ancestors or interrogate them," he explained very lightly. "Apparently Teka had a little Wraith blood in him somehow."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. _A tiny white lie hunh? Nice way to put it Marlon. Good thing the eyeballs overlooked Teyla._

"What happened to Teka?"

"I had to find out how he could do these things. Tests were run and he…"

"Didn't quit did he?" She looked at him with big, round, nervous eyes.

"No, this is too important. Our survival depends on this lab and these devices. Col. Sheppard does have the Ancestors' bloodline running through him. That is why he can interact with these devices. But they are of no use to me if I can't use them without his help. The chair is even a failure. Dr. McKay is studying our last hope." He looked at Bose. "Return him to Dr. McKay's room."

Sheppard was not about to volunteer any information on systems and doodads that just needed to be initialized by his little gene and then could be used by anyone. Well physically, he couldn't.

Back in the room, he lay on the bed; and he lay on the bed; and he lay on the bed. He was sick. Hunger, dehydration, and physical abuse were taking their toll. So he lay on the bed and hovered in a daze. Time had no meaning.

_"Wow sounds like fun Colonel! Can't think of anything I'd like better than communing with nature or indigenous people or indigenous bugs or indigenous wildlife or …"_

_"You're going McKay. You may think you've made up for the trust thing, but I'll let you know when I've said when," countered Sheppard with as much egotism as he could inject into each and every word._

_McKay looked angry, hurt, embarrassed and saddened. "I have important work here, but…" his voice kept getting lower, "I think I can fit in a trip to a grove."_

_"Orchard."_

_"What?"_

_"The plues or apple-like thingies are in an orchard. A nice boring trip to an orchard. A perfect time to work on that trust issue."_ Amongst other things_, Sheppard thought._

_Hope flared in McKay's eyes._

_And Sheppard gave his devil may care grin and walked out._

_"Long way to go McKay!" Sheppard yelled back down the hall as he left. He could not resist that last stinging barb._

_He did not see McKay's reaction._

McKay had definitely earned that trust back with any interest incurred. His faith in the scientist had never wavered. It just took a fun little excursion to the inner circle of hell to figure that out.

He was a single minded, self-centered idiot sometimes.

The door opened and Brando came in with a bowl of soup or broth or a liquidy something or other. Bose followed and lightly smacked him on the face to get his full attention.

Then just so he knew who was in charge, they poured a vial of something in the bowl right in front of him.

"Col. Sheppard, time to eat," said Marlon reaffirming his control over him.

Brando gave the bowl to Bose. Others entered and held him down. His adrenaline must have spiked, he fought as hard as that aforementioned kitten. The bowl was placed to his lips and the contents dribbled onto them. Some made its way into his mouth. He spit it back at Bose. With soup dripping down his nose, Bose did not seem too happy.

Whatever was in it, made his lips tingle and go numb.

They got serious. Marlon grabbed his nose and pressed on Sheppard's injured shoulder with his other hand. Stars exploded into supernovas before his eyes making them water. His mouth opened and the contents were poured into it. He gagged and coughed as a hand was placed over his mouth to keep the soup from propelling back onto Bose.

_What is this, the Blood of Kali?_

He swallowed. His damaged brain went on a tangent. _Golly gee, hope Short Round (Rodney) doesn't have to burn the dickens outta me to wake me up. My day already sucks as it is._

The contents hit his very empty stomach. His very empty stomach said catch and, for the third time in two days, Bose wore his meal. There was a bit of satisfaction in that.

Bose did not seem to appreciate it as much and glowered at him. He was about to force the rest of the soup down when Sheppard started feeling an overwhelming itch all over his face and neck and numbness around his mouth. He would not have to ask Rodney what an allergic reaction felt like, because he was pretty sure this was it.

It seemed his lungs were feeling neglected because they started to not work quite right. He panicked. His gaze went around the room and fell on Brando. He actually looked concerned.

_Damn Rodney, sorry about making light of this._

"Col. Sheppard?" Brando loomed in his view.

As he struggled to breath and fought the hands still holding him, he silently snickered. _Now you **have** taken me out of the equation moron._ Sad thing was; he would have told them what was wrong and how to fix it, because Rodney had a plan for escape. Rodney also had those epinephrine pens. There was absolutely nothing he could do to let them know.

"Bose I have Dr. Hallidy staying here. Go get him. Room 3"

The drug was taking effect and it parked a Mack on his chest. He never even saw the doctor come into the room.

* * *

_A/N: Excuse me...excuse me...could you please move your semi? My character is underneath._


	10. Uranium PU36 Explosive Space Modulator

Chapter 10 

Uranium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator

McKay finished entering a command into his data pad. Lurch, Bama's new name since he heard him speak the previous evening, stood by not paying attention to what he was doing as long as he was doing something. PJ had kept only a few imposters around, just enough so McKay could bark out orders to bring him a tool or a crystal so he could reconnect the uranium PU-36 explosive space modulator to the shield generator.

In addition, he let one ashen assistant- apparently the word explosive made him nervous- know that there was nothing to fear unless the modulator came in contact with the system's reserve of Illudium Phosdex. A highly volatile substance that Rodney was only too happy to point out he was holding it in his hand. The guy almost dropped the canister of salve the doctor had given him the night before.

"Are you trying to kill us all you bumbling idiot!" Rodney yelled.

The young man clutched the canister and placed it gently down on a table.

_Way too easy._

The exchange even made Lurch nervous. That was definitely rewarding.

"Am I surrounded by complete idiots? The yellow dye No. 5 in the outer casing will counteract any chain reaction by the Phosdex. Also, the modulator needs a power source to work. Did any of you scientists," he let his S's hiss, "go to school?"

He stormed out of the lower lab and back up to the main lab with Lurch in tow. He continued to mumble insanely to himself. "If it blocks the view of Venus, just blow it up."

He stopped short and faced Bama. "I'm going to need the eyeball twins to transfer power to the generator. They are the key to all of this."

Lurch just stared back blankly. McKay shook his head in exasperation. "The chair will be needed to return Col. Sheppard to normal and then I will use it to boost the field strength and molecular cohesion of the crystalline constructs within the main power matrix. The twins will keep the matrix within normal parameters and send command frequencies to the shield ." _Yep, storyteller in his next life._

Once at the console, he continued with programming code and instructions into the mainframe. He entered one last inquiry and the elusive answer popped up. His whole plan would be for naught if he could not find it. Then he hid it in plain sight so when PJ came behind him to see how things were going…The computer would say _just peachy and look, he's the answer to all your problems._ Everything was ready to go.

His schematics for the connection of the generator to the lab's power source were impeccable. They would work too if he could find a way around the virus. If he had more time, he could have. The virus was so entrenched, not even a complete shut down and wiping would clear it. Isolating it was useless, the entire network was infected. It was too bad for the rest of the inhabitants of the planet. He had a plan to help with that if PJ had the resources. Not his problem though. His problem was wasting away upstairs from what he gathered from other assistants.

"I will make my final adjustments to the generator and that should do it until tomorrow." McKay stood up and walked back out into the hall. When he entered the stairwell, voices carried down.

"Doctor! It's the Atlantean, something's wrong."

_Oh hell._

Rodney froze. Not a minute later, the obscenity ran down the stairs. "Papa Jae wants him."

_Double hell._

He sprinted up the steps leaving Lurch and the obscenity in his dust. McKay entered his little room to the sounds of wheezing coming from the bed.

"What have you done? He's in anaphylactic shock!" _No, no, no, no. _This was not happening. OK, now he was going to freak out. The plan was set_. Tomorrow Sheppard, we're leaving tomorrow!_

"Dr. McKay," Dr. Hallidy addressed him making him focus. "I have nothing for this. Do you have any suggestions?"

He was sure it would have been him first. Not Sheppard, never Sheppard. There was nothing in the first aid kit. He would have to talk to Beckett about adding an antihistamine or epinephrine…

The answer came to him, his epi-pens. "In my gear, my vest, are syringes they'll counteract what ever you gave him." _Hopefully_.

Less than three minutes later one of the assistants ran back in with the vest. He grabbed it and pulled out his little saviors. A big thick hand grabbed his wrist and took them away.

"Dr. McKay, these will help him?" PJ asked with a coldness that was reserved for only the truly evil.

"Yes."

Dr. Hallidy gaped at his friend. "Jae, let him administer those."

"Dr. McKay, what else have you been up to in my lab?"

"Nothing!"

Jae dropped one of the pens and crushed it with his size 16 boot. Or that is what it looked like to Rodney next to the slender tube.

"What are you doing?" McKay yelled.

"Jae!" Dr. Hallidy made a move for the pen a only to have Bama hold him tight.

"I think Col. Sheppard is running out of time doctor. What else have you been doing?"

"Connecting the shield generator to the lab's systems! Please let me give him that."

The crush of the pen made Rodney gawk in horror.

"I believe there is only one other form of treatment left to him." It was a cold malevolent smile worthy of a flashlight under the chin.

His heart sank. "The chair." He could not believe he was even suggesting it. Sheppard did have to go into it again but not like this. Rodney would not be able to effectively control the situation. "The chair will stabilize him."

PJ seemed to enjoy the induced irony by the smug look on his face.

"Chair?" Dr. Hallidy asked while still looking at Jae with revulsion.

"You'll see. The cure is worse than the ailment," spat Rodney. And that was saying something.

Sheppard was lifted up by the entourage in the room and carried out. The wheezing continued as the limp rubber chicken like body was carried down the stairs, through the office and into the lab. Rodney and the doctor followed behind with Lurch as their escort .

They placed him in the chair, but before Rodney could give any directions, the chair went into an automated diagnostic program. The probes inserted through the tunic. Hallidy flinched as Sheppard's eyes opened. He stepped up to the machine.

"Jae, what have you done?"

The monitor showed his biometrics and a prompt flashed.

PJ stood next to the control panel. "Dr. McKay?"

"Jae!" Hallidy said forcefully. "What game are you playing? That man is in need of help."

Jae ignored him. "Dr. McKay? No more stalling. You've been up to something. I've been watching you." He smiled. "What game are _you_ playing?"

Rodney glared; he snorted; he denied.

"Is my generator ready?"

"Yes, check the computer…after you…" Rodney swallowed, "help him."

"Of course dear boy." He pressed the prompt.

The chair took care of the rest. It eased the reaction with an injection into the new port. A new prompt flashed.

PJ looked up from the screen and leveled his gaze at McKay. "But what else Dr. McKay? What have you been up to?"

"Fixing your shield."

"No, I think not." He hit the prompt that loosely translated to punishment.

Sheppard convulsed, wide awake and quite aware.

"Oh God! Stop!" McKay shouted.

"Jae! This is madness! You must stop." Hallidy stepped forward. "Jae, I've known you for 40 years. We've been friends, raised children, and mourned the loss of loved ones in those 40 years. Our survival isn't worth forfeiting others."

He pressed the prompt again and Sheppard went slack. The only sound was his breathing.

"You're wrong Garner. We've all worked too hard. We've all sacrificed too much. Our survival is worth the loss of one or…" he looked at McKay as he said, "…two."

Hallidy saw another command flashing on the screen. "What's that one do?"

PJ addressed Rodney, "Why don't you tell him Dr. McKay?"

He stepped up to the monitor. "Return all functions to normal."

Bama immediately pulled him back.

"Dr. McKay, what is your plan?"

He looked over at Sheppard, then back at Papa Jae. And he sighed.

* * *

"But what else Dr. McKay? What have you been up to?"

Whatever the chair had injected into him released the parking brake on the Mack. He really liked that pesky little breathing thing. He would have been a little happier if he was not a shish kabob.

He scanned the alcove. Rodney was here and scared, Brando, of course, Bama, Burly- still wearing soup- and an older gentleman. He was not happy at all.

Brando talked to Rodney and the old guy talked to Brando and Brando pressed something and Sheppard felt the current light every nerve ending on fire. When it stopped, he tried to catch his breath and listen to the happenings in the room.

He heard Brando question McKay about his plan. He heard the old guy try to reason with Brando. He really liked that guy. He heard McKay's overly dramatic sigh. He watched those eyes dart around the room. He had to fight not to smile.

McKay was about to lie his ass off.

"You're right Papa Jae, I do have a plan."

Brando looked superiorly at Sheppard while he talked to McKay. "Not going to blow anything up are you? Wouldn't dream of destroying our little ol' planet while trying to complete your task?"

McKay feigned shock for a second.

"Didn't know Col. Sheppard revealed your over zealousness and the resulting catastrophe did you? Not planning anything similar are you?"

Sheppard watched proudly as the seed bloomed and Rodney caught on and rolled with it.

McKay gave a stricken mortified expression to Sheppard then to Brando. "I was going to set the PU-36 to overload. Remove the yellow dye no. 5 and allow the Phosdex to intermix in the system. It's on a timer set for tomorrow." He looked at the floor. "All I ask if you don't want a planet destroying explosion is…" he paused for effect, "to return the Colonel to normal."

"Do not, I repeat, do not threaten me or make demands."

"Jae let them go," pleaded the old guy.

With an angry glare, Brando hit something else on the monitor. Sheppard's brain lit up.

_And tonight, Helen Keller will be played by John Sheppard._

He was a pinball wizard- deaf, dumb and blind. Rodney would definitely agree with the dumb part. Then sight and sound returned.

"Damn it!" McKay yelled. "Stop this. Just give him his voice back…please. Tomorrow, I'll show you how to power the shield generator without it exploding."

"You're right Dr. McKay, it's late. I think Col. Sheppard has had enough. We will continue this converstion tomorrow."

Before Rodney could protest, the old guy spoke up again, "Jae, then I'm a loss of one."

Before anyone could stop him he hit the reset button.

A painful tingle went through the left side of Sheppard's head and his cry was heard throughout the lab. It left and McKay was at his side.

He looked at Rodney. There was only one thing to say.

"When."

* * *

_A/N: Thank you Krysalys for the epi-pens. I don't know if they are fanon or canon but when mentioned in the review, the bunnies went crazy. Well, you see the results. I told you the reviews help, they catch the answers to questions that I haven't even asked. _; ) 


	11. Say When

Chapter 11 

Say When

Rodney stood next to the chair staring as Sheppard fell into unconsciousness. He smiled as broadly as his puffy and bruised face would allow. _A corner turned in this most unlikely of places_, he thought.

"No Jae, enough." Dr. Hallidy snapped. "Let them go back to the room."

Emotions ran across Papa Jae's face. Anger, distaste, disappointment, sorrow- all aimed at his friend.

"This time Garner." PJ straightened himself to full height to impress his superiority on the group. "Dr. McKay, tonight I'll go over your work, inspect the computer entries and the generator itself. I'll also be carefully monitoring your room. You know the price."

Rodney heard the probes retract. Sheppard hardly flinched. Bose pulled him up and Rodney grabbed the other side.

"I'm going with them Jae," as Hallidy spoke, sadness spread across his face. "You're not the man I thought you were. What would your daughters think?"

"Go ahead and ask Aggie, she's right over there."

Aggie waved to the doctor from a console out in the main lab. His face fell even farther.

"My eternal sorrow for your family Jae Berje." He walked out into the lab ahead of Rodney and Bose.

"You'll see Garner! It'll be worth it!" PJ called after his retreating friend.

Rodney frowned at PJ as they staggered out of the alcove. The man really thought he was the hero of the tale and wanted his friend to understand. Too bad he had gotten lost in his own self-importance.

When they made it to the room, Bose let go. Faced with all of Sheppard's dead weight, McKay stumbled and fell. He twisted so Sheppard would not take the brunt of the hit. The doctor tried to help but was just not quick enough. They hit the floor in a tangled heap.

"Thanks!" McKay yelled out as the door locked. "Asshole."

"Are you injured sir?" Hallidy asked as he tried to move Sheppard off McKay.

"No. Just help me get him to the bed would you?"

Once they had the colonel situated, McKay slid down the wall until the floor stopped him. He watched as the doctor checked Sheppard's back and any other injuries he might have.

"Jae didn't rescue you from the Wraith, did he?"

"How could you tell? Was it that chair or the knuckle prints on my face match Papa's?" McKay let his head rest on his knees. "The eyeball twins happened upon our arrival to a planet while we were grocery shopping. They kidnapped us and brought us here."

The doctor continued working on Sheppard's back as he spoke, "He told us that descendants of the Ancestors were on their way to help. He told us a deal was made. When Jae brought me to tend Col. Sheppard earlier, he said that he had injured himself while delirious from other injuries incurred by the Wraith."

He stopped for a moment and turned around. "Do you know what it's like to find your good friend has been lying to you?"

McKay snorted and looked up at Sheppard. "Yes, yes I do."

Oh, he was not going to let Sheppard off the hook easily. Not after all the crap he had to endure from him.

"When we get the chance, he and I are going to have a long overdue chat."

The doctor raised his eyebrows as if to say _oh really_. "I suppose I'll have to do the same."

Rodney closed his eyes. _Yep, a very long chat._

Next thing he knew, Dr. Hallidy was shaking him.

"I'm finished. I had Bama bring some uncontaminated water. Hope you didn't drink any from the tap in the bathroom."

Groggily, Rodney shook his head.

"I checked the pitcher. It's fine."

McKay rubbed his bleary eyes and mumbled, "Thanks…for everything."

"Dr. McKay, he's started with an infection. A fever might soon follow; I'll come back a little later. Jae won't let me leave, so I'm here all night."

"I'll make sure to tip my waiters and waitresses."

Hallidy just stared at him.

"Never mind. Thanks for casting the bones and shaking the chicken feet." Rodney rotated his neck as Hallidy patted him on the shoulder. "There are some clean clothes on the table." Then he was gone.

Rodney fell back asleep.

------------------

"McKay."

Rodney rolled over on the very hard, back breaking floor.

"McKay."

"Go away, let me sleep." An arm came out of the blanket and swatted at absolutely nothing.

Something landed squarely on his head with enough force to hurt. "Ouch! What the...?" His hand fell on a Pegasus Galaxy issued shoe. He rolled over and looked right at a very amused Lt. Col. John Sheppard.

"Sheesh McKay, took footwear to the head to wake you up."

"Oh no you don't. You don't get to be smug or amused or anything! Not after what you've put me through…the last couple of days." That conversation was not for now. McKay sat up and crawled over to the bed.

A pale, splotchy, sweaty, clammy, glassy eyed but vocal Sheppard looked back at him.

"Now for the 64 thousand dollar question…" began McKay.

"Craptacular." Sheppard said weakly. "But not gonna complain too loud, like to keep my voice now it's back. Brando and the Crimson Tide can both go to hell though. Same with Bose."

"Brando? I was thinking more Orson Wells."

"Wells hunh? I can see that."

"I named Bama, Lurch," proclaimed Rodney proudly.

Sheppard actually laughed which morphed into a cough.

When it died down, he became serious. "McKay, I'm not going back in that chair."

"I know."

"I'm not going to be able to take much more." Sheppard lay on the bed rubbing his chest.

"I know." McKay gave Sheppard an intense look. "Say when."

"When." Sheppard grew pensive and quietly said, "There's something else."

"Not now, I can't have your sense of duty distract me from the experiment today." McKay looked around the room. He spotted the clothes.

"Now that surprises me McKay. I thought you could handle three things in that noodle of yours."

"Very funny. Anyway, we're being monitored. So unless you want it broadcast, keep it to yourself for now." McKay stood up grabbed one set and walked into the bathroom. "The water's safe. Smell it to make sure though."

Sheppard tried to sit up and failed miserably. He was still in the same position when Rodney came back into the room.

"Can you help a little? I can hardly move."

McKay was amazed at the calmness in Sheppard's voice, because his was about to be anything but.

"Oh God, you're paralyzed. That infernal machine paralyzed you!"

"McKay."

Then other things occurred to him. "Flying! You won't be able to fly!"

"McKay."

"They'll ship you back!"

"McKay! I'm just really sore. Can you help me sit up and pour the water?" Sheppard tried to lift his head up.

McKay stood in the doorway to the bathroom. "Oh. Well yeah. Sure."

He came over to the bed and helped Sheppard to sit and lean against the wall. He turned to the pitcher and smelled it. He looked it over and found it acceptable. He poured it into the cup and helped the colonel drink. "Not too much, I don't want to wear it."

"Thanks Nurse Ratched."

"Shut up."

"Hell no."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Let's get you changed."

A few minutes later, the door opened and Bama came in. McKay gave one last look at Sheppard. "When." He followed Bama out the door.

* * *

Sheppard watched McKay go. He let his thoughts turn inwards. His entire body hurt. And damn it, he was tired of comparing himself to a kitten. He was now a vociferous kitten, but a kitten none the less.

_When_. Trust him hunh?

"All the way," he whispered confidently to himself. Relief was the only way to describe what he was feeling. The conversation would take place back home. McKay had a plan. A plan that hopefully took into account he was not going very far on his own.

By the way, he was really, really hungry. Every time he was given something it ended up on the floor or on Bose. _Soon, food, good, ugh._ He smiled to himself.

So for right now he would wait, do a little dance and drink a little water.

Time floated by as he slipped into a touch of delirium. He hardly noticed when the door to the room blew apart and his body was enveloped in a bright explosive flash.

* * *

_A/N: The end. OK maybe not. _


	12. Never See You Leaving by the Backdoor

_A/N: Glad everyone is enjoying. Thanks for all the support._

Chapter 12

Never See You Leaving by the Backdoor

_Wait 'til they get a load of me_, he repeated to himself.

It was time. He had found the last piece of the puzzle right before Sheppard's little incident the night before. He finished all the programming necessary. One very important thing had eluded him and then he got clever. He asked the computer about the proximity of food to the Stargate. He could only find minor mention of there even being a Stargate (and that was something they really needed) until then but the Wraith think with their figurative stomachs so…

He clutched his data pad to his chest. Everything was ready. The generator had been transported up to the main lab. One of the orbs was present. The chair was tied into the main computer. His data pad was connected to the main console. He kept everything away from the generator. PJ had asked why nothing was connected.

_Storyteller, definitely a storyteller._ "The generator is equipped to receive certain frequencies. I have modified the eyeballs to emit the appropriate frequencies. The chair is needed as a buffer."

"Very well Dr. McKay. Now make sure all goes off without a hitch or that chair will be a constant companion for Col. Sheppard."

"Good will Papa Jae, ain't nothin' in the world like it. Glad to see you're so full of it." McKay faced the main console. _Showtime_. "I'm going to double check the Yellow Dye No. 5 and the Phosdex and then shut down the timer. I'll keep my end of the bargain…sir."

Papa Jae stood right behind him as he hit the prompt. Warning klaxons went off.

"Oh no."

"Dr. McKay, I warn you if this is some sort of joke…"

"No. There's a virus. The lab released a virus into the system infecting everything in contact with it including your little pets and the shield generator. It has done exactly what I was trying to undo." McKay tapped furiously on his data pad. "The uranium is going critical." Rodney looked PJ in the eye. "It's going to blow and take this entire complex with it."

He frowned as hard as he could. Warning lights flashed on all lab monitors. The orb started flashing. "No, no, no, no. It is transmitting destruct codes to the shield generator."

The generator sat silent.

"Are you sure Dr. McKay? I don't see anything. Shall I send for Col. Sheppard?"

McKay shoved his data pad into Papa Jae's face. It showed a schematic of the generator. "The virus deactivated the warning system on it. The Dye has been drained away so the Illudium can intermix with the modulator."

The eyeball came over and scanned the generator again. Its iris flashed red.

"See even one of your pets agrees! I suggest you evacuate everyone out of here and away from the buildings now! I'll try to hold containment for as long as possible." He ran from console to console. He stood straight up and looked at his captor with complete dread. "Too late."

He had to admit the look of anger, terror and utter despair that washed over Orson's face was wholly fulfilling. He really had to fight the urge not to flip the guy off.

_Ah screw it._ He lost the fight and showed him mister-middle-digit-finger puppet. The sentiment of the message was received with sparkling clarity.

_That was for Sheppard._

There was a blinding flash of intense light and then silence.

* * *

**"DAMN IT!"** is what greeted his ears upon waking from what was most certainly a strange dream. The room had exploded or so he thought. He was certain that if he had stayed on the Puddle Jumper those many months ago that is what his last moments would have looked like.

"Come on you useless, overeducated, bird bath! Know when to succumb to your betters!" Shouted a very angry McKay. "Fuck!" A clattering of metal on hard surface made him wince.

"McKay?"

"Glad your back to enjoy a lazy summer day on Ixion, Colonel. Please don't get up. I will have this stubborn, mechanical farce of a DHD working in a minute!" The man practically grunted out each word.

"Ooo…Kaaay. What happened before this technological menace dared to stage an uprising?" Sheppard looked around and found himself in the shadow of the DHD.

"Smoke and mirrors, Colonel…Son…of…a…bitch. The son of a bitch is…he's still one step ahead." He heard the exasperation in McKay's voice.

"One step ahead?"

"He's smarter than he lets on…like other people I know."

Sheppard smiled unseen by McKay.

"He's sabotaged the DHD so only he can use it." Another line of expletives marched out McKay's mouth.

"Before this McKay." A whirring sound registered with Sheppard and his eyes snapped open and up at the sky above him. "McKay!"

"What?" McKay's face peered down at him.

Sheppard pointed up.

"Oh the girls."

"The girls? The body snatching eyeballs are friends now McKay?"

"Yeah, they brought us here. That was the blinding light you probably saw. Carrie and Christine were our get away vehicles." Sheppard noticed the pride in his voice. "They stunned everyone else near them so we could sneak out the backdoor. They also took the doctor and the generator far away from Orson Wells after they dropped us off. I gave him instructions on what they will need. I just don't know how long we have before the rest wake up and figure out they're not dead."

"Please back up and give my very exhausted and fevered brain an easy listening explanation." Sheppard tried to sit up, but McKay pushed him back down.

"No. I mean it; don't get up. We're more than likely gonna have to make a run for it and I need you to at least be able to put one foot in front of the other."

To Sheppard's own amazement, he did not argue. Instead he kept a steady _well answer me then_ gaze on Rodney.

Rodney went back to the DHD and restarted cursing at and working on the device. "I tricked the computers and everyone into believing an atomic bomb was about to go off. The uranium PU-36 explosive space modulator was going critical _**because**_ the Illudium Phosdex was intermixing _**because**_ the yellow dye no. 5 had been removed. Also, all the systems in the Labyrinth are infected with a defensive virus. I mutated it- with style- and turned it loose on the Labyrinth's computer system. Especially that godforsaken succubus of a torture device. Nothing in there will ever work again. And then I made them believe…shit…" there was a pop and a sizzle, "with the help of the girls that the entire complex had blown up. They are like a pair of disco balls- what a light show."

Sheppard nearly busted his gut laughing, and then coughing, and then moaning from the laughing. "Rod--nee McKay, Supaaa Geenius. Illudium Phosdex? Isn't that the shaving cream molecule or something like that?"

"It's your fault. It was all the Looney Tunes talk." The entire DHD shut down. "Whoops."

"Whoops?" Sheppard rolled over to see around the device to look at Rodney.

"Yes whoops Colonel. Carrie come here." The orb descended. "The virus is in all computer files but not in every hardware part." He must have been thinking out loud as he pulled off a panel and pulled out a crystalline part. "Sorry sweetheart, but the only function left to you is to self-destruct so you won't be needing this."

Sheppard watched for a few seconds until he looked down the road that led to the Stargate. "McKay, I think its time to get me to my feet. Company's coming."

"Well, I'll send the girls to stall." He beckoned them to him and lifted up another panel on each. A small keypad was visible. He typed in a few commands and they were off. "They will engage the enemy until we don't register anymore. Then they will enter the atmosphere and self-destruct."

"How long were they out just out of curiosity?" Sheppard asked.

"We've been here about 40 minutes, we're about 3 kilometers," he turned around to look down the road, "he's on horseback or a whatever's-back. 15-20 minutes maybe."

"Good. Hopefully the girls can do that again," said Sheppard.

"Don't you trust me Colonel?" The face that looked at him was waiting for the answer as the hands remained dutifully on their work.

Without hesitation, Sheppard said, "All the way."

Rodney gave a brusque nod and looked back at the innards in his hands. Power returned to the DHD.

"Almost there…let me try and dial it up. Come on, papa needs a new pair of…everything really." He started the dialing sequence. Each symbol lighted up and the corresponding symbol on the Gate followed. "Moment of truth." Rodney said under his breath and hit the middle control.

Never in his life did the swoosh sound so inviting. Sheppard slowly pulled up on the dais and smiled at his friend. "Shall we?" He took a few tentative steps towards the great puddle when twigs snapping caught his attention. His smile fell as Bama came out of the trees 100 yards away and to the right carrying a P90.

McKay turned around to look and started hollering, "Go, go, go!" He grabbed Sheppard placing his body between him and Bama. They stumbled, limped, and skipped to the event horizon. Bullets started whizzing by their heads and ricocheting off of parts of the Stargate.

Rodney kept going dragging him, pulling him and carrying him. He grunted and lurched before throwing himself and thusly Sheppard into the puddle. They landed on the other side with a loud oomph!

After disentangling themselves, Sheppard looked up at the brilliant sky; and over at Rodney who was slowly pulling himself up to all fours; and at Bama as he exited the wormhole; and at his very large boot as he placed it on his shoulder and pressed down on it painfully hard; and then at the P90 he held to McKay's head.

"Papa Jae says it's time to pay the price for pride."

Sheppard did not have enough in him to howl as the stars exploded into supernovas again. He just let out a loud exhale and guttural moan as the boot pressed harder. The P90 swung around into Sheppard's face. This was not the way he had planned on ending his day.

Before he blacked out, a strange thought sparked in his mind. Rodney was right; Bama did sound just like Lurch.

* * *

_A/N: Oh so close. _

_P.S.: Craptacular means spectacularly crappy. My husband uses it all the time. Feel free to add it to your own vocab._


	13. As the Tide Turns

Chapter 13 

As the Tide Turns

_All they wanted to do was go home. Why wouldn't they let them go home?_

When Rodney heard the tell tale click of a P90 and then Lurch's voice, he sincerely considered crying.

When he saw that P90 aimed at a deathly silent and unmoving Sheppard, he wanted to throw up.

When he heard the clicks of multiple P90's and a South Carolina lilt, he laughed hysterically.

"Hey y'all and welcome to the Alpha Site. Now you will put your weapon down and remove your boot from our Commanding Officer **or** if'n you twitch, Sgt. Smith over there is going to take your head clean off." Master Sergeant Releford Lashley ordered Bama holding his own P90 up and ready. "Sgt. Smith, do you have him?"

"Yes, I have him."

McKay flipped over and looked Bama in the eye. "I'd do what he says."

McKay could already see in Bama's face his loyalty to Papa Jae. It did not matter what kind of man Jae was or is. Bama would do anything asked of him by that man. He was going to carry out his order and kill Sheppard or die trying.

"Price paid." He moved his trigger finger and two shots rang out.

McKay balled up while yelling and immediately heard a loud thump from a body hitting the platform. He rolled over to look at Sheppard. His shirt was turning red from the reopening of the injury but no other wound was visible. He ignored Bama's huge corpse as the team came up and removed the P90 from him.

"He needs medical attention," said Rodney weakly. He stood up. "Where'd the other bullet go?'

"His shot went wild," said Lashley as he walked up to him. "Dr. McKay, I think you'd better sit down. You're bleeding."

"No, it's probably the colonel's."

"No sir, it's runnin' down your leg."

Rodney looked at his left leg and drew his finger through the wet substance. He held it in front of his face. "Hunh, whaddya know?"

Lashley caught him before he hit the floor.

* * *

"The hip Carson. I was shot in the hip."

"Butt cheek, Rodney." Beckett corrected. "If you were hit in the hip you would have an easier time sitting and you wouldn't have stitches in your posterior."

_Bullshit,_ thought Rodney. He had enough of it the past few days to see it and recognize it. This kind he would enjoy though. The shot started at the hip and exited through his butt cheek as Carson so delicately put it. So, he was shot in the hip.

Rodney looked at the adjoining bed. Sheppard's eyes opened and just as quickly closed.

"He's doing it again," scowled Rodney.

"What? The mommy check?"

He rolled his eyes. "If that is what you insist on calling it, then yes. Where did you come up with this gem of a medical term?"

"Actually, it came from my rotation in a pediatric ward during my residency," Carson explained. "One of the parent's staying in her child's room coined it. Her son would wake up briefly to make sure she was still there and go back to sleep. A mommy check."

"OK, I hope I don't have to explain the wrongness of that term applied here," said Rodney trying to ignore the rightness of it. "It's just that it reminds me of when they were…well…you know."

"Aye, I know. And I think you're wrong there Rodney. You took care of him and he's just making sure you haven't left. Don't worry; he probably won't remember doing it." Carson patted him on the shoulder and walked over to Sheppard.

McKay began to drift.

He had been right. Once again, all of Carson's hard work of putting Sheppard back together was undone. The moment they were wheeled through the Gate, the doctor let out his string of invectives in English and Gaelic. There were so many bloody hells; McKay thought it was actually getting hot. He dodged any of those choice phrases being aimed at him by getting shot in the bu…hip and by having a face that looked like it had gone a few rounds with Joe Lewis.

Ronon, Teyla and Weir were there escorting them to the infirmary. It was a hazy, lazy dream and a good one at that. Safety and familiarity.

It looked like a forest of IV's between his and Sheppard's beds. They were pumped full of so many drugs; it was a contest. The contest would be more fun if Sheppard would wake up. Rodney guessed he deserved a little R and R though.

Both had undergone minor surgeries. His for the bullet wound from a ricochet. That was the most likely explanation anyway. Sheppard from the two additions the chair had given him and the one that had been ripped out. They had been scanned from head to toe and back again to check for anything else that could possibly be wrong. Just the sheer fact the man had nothing left to give was a good enough excuse to not wake up since their return.

Carson was speaking again but not to him. "…antibiotics, blood products and oxygen for both. We have the Colonel on a feeding tube as well. His three suture sights are healing nicely as are his back and neck. No permanent damage to his brain is apparent."

"Have we gotten the full story yet?"

"Give Rodney another day and he should be able to handle a debriefing. The Colonel is a different matter. From what I can tell, his fever is starting to abate but he'll be out of it for another day maybe two." Carson paused. "Dr. Weir, I don't know exactly what they did but he had a few exotic compounds in his system and an adrenaline derivative. We're being careful to watch for potential drug interaction hazards. He also lost a massive amount of his blood volume at some point. He's been…well it amazes me what we'll do to each other."

"I know Carson. We couldn't find a single crumb to lead us to them. Low and behold they show up at the Alpha Site a complete and total mess. And they brought a playmate. I feel like we failed them. At least they're home." Their voices started to fade. "Ronon and Teyla are outside. They want to sit with their team."

"That's fine. It may even help."

McKay's drifting continued until worried exhalations made him focus on the face across from him. With eyes wide, Sheppard touched the nasal cannula and feeding tube. His eyes seemed to be trying to hold on to Rodney and pleading for help.

"McKay, I can't go back in that chair."

Stunned, Rodney lay on his side and stared at him. Movement on the other side of Sheppard's bed refocused his attention. A nurse softly approached- most likely alerted by his voice.

"Col. Sheppard?" She touched him lightly to get his attention.

The eyes changed. Rodney was not sure what emotion they held now but he was too slow to warn the nurse. Lucky for her, Sheppard was about as strong as wet tissue paper as he took a swipe at her. When his mouth opened, Rodney knew what emotions were present in those eyes.

The sound that came out of Sheppard's mouth could be likened to the sound one makes when a bucket of cold water is dumped on one's head. Then mix it with all the fear, anger, terror, hatred, anxiety, pain, and anguish they had experienced over the last few days and maybe it could be recreated. His very carefully placed façade was opened like a locket to reveal the secret inside. This time the treasure was his raw emotional core. Everything he had withheld during their stay at the Hotel California spewed forth in that yell.

"Leave…me…_**alone**_!" It was an order and a frantic one at that. Sheppard tried to fight the enemy but it was more for self-protection. "McKay! Not...going...back!"

A wall of brown leather obstructed Rodney's view of the bed. The wall gave a low rumble to the panicked occupant, "Sheppard. Sheppard!"

Beckett was suddenly there. "Col. Sheppard wake up! Colonel, it's time to wake up!"

There must have been two buckets because McKay found himself shivering. A light touch to his shoulder made him look behind him. Teyla stood on the other side and gave a compassionate nod of the head.

He was going to kill Sheppard. For the umpteenth time he wanted to cry for the…Rodney realized he wanted to cry for the best friend he had ever had. The only true friend he ever had. Even with that epiphany, how dare he make him want to cry.

Now McKay was pissed.

"When!…McKay!"

"Col. Sheppard, you're home." Carson soothed.

McKay thought enough with the mollycoddling and yelled as loud as he could, "Shut up Sheppard!"

"Hell no!"

All commotion stopped. And like closing the locket, Sheppard's veneer snapped into place when he woke up. There was a second or two pause before he heard Sheppard's voice.

"Uh hey Carson, Ronon. Are we going steady or do you just like to hold hands?"

Ronon snorted and released Sheppard's wrists.

Carson looked over at Rodney and smiled. "You were having a wee, little bit of a nightmare there, Colonel."

"Definitely." Sheppard answered on the exhale. His eyes were already shutting. "Is Bobby in the shower?"

Relieved, McKay laughed, "If I'm Miss Ellie, I'm so coming over there and kicking your ass. Or sending Teyla over there to do it by proxy."

Sheppard smiled and fell immediately back asleep.

"Rodney, I want to know what happened," Carson said in a very low voice sliding up next to his bed.

"No Carson, you don't want to know. You need to know. Think of a chair designed by the Wraith to study the Ancients. Now think of complete and utter imbeciles using the hunt and peck method to figure out how to use it. Now think of an iron maiden made into a cradle skewering him in the back and at the base of his skull. He was placed in that thing for minutes up to hours."

Oh, he was so going to kill Sheppard because his eyes were stinging.

"Now think of someone who is used to being the hero…one who is always has some form of control and has none. They humiliated him, embarrassed him, and made him nothing more than a means to an end. The man has fortitude."

"He never once complained Carson. Oh wait, I stand corrected; the catheters in his gut and shoulder pinched." Rodney looked at Ronon and Teyla. Ronon stood ram-rod straight staring at nothing in front of him. Teyla's jaw worked, her eyes solidly on Sheppard's bed. Her hand held McKay's tightly.

He realized those looks were not too far away from Bama's. He wondered if Sheppard even knew he had that kind of power. And if he did, would he use it?

"The planet's name is Ixion. Have Radek look for it in the database. The man who did this was named Jae Berje. The others on that planet don't deserve our hate or anger. But they don't deserve our pity either. I'd like to talk to Elizabeth to give a verbal report when…when I can."

Rodney looked at Carson and continued. "They would inject some sort of liquid nourishment, and I use that term loosely, into the stomach tube. He was drugged several times. He had an allergic reaction to something they gave him orally. He's had little water. He pissed off Orson and he removed the shoulder port by ripping it out of him. I think that covers most of it. I might have skipped a few details but…oh I'm sorry, they fried his speech center at one point so he couldn't talk."

"What were you doing?" Ronon asked. It almost sounded accusatory but Rodney somehow understood. Ronon had been neutralized without so much as a fight.

"I was pretending to modify a shield generator while planning our escape. Took care of him on a couple of occasions. And entertained guests. Oh, if I didn't; they would stick him back in that chair or physically remind me with a love tap."

Carson's jaw also ground audibly. By the look in his eye, his anger was for the both of them. "Do you have any idea what kind of drugs they used on him?"

"No. I don't." He regretted that but not much he could have done.

"Rodney, I think that's enough. You get some rest. Teyla, Ronon you can stay but quietly please."

They acknowledged him and took seats near Sheppard's and McKay's beds.

"Hey, what happened to you guys?" Rodney asked. "Last I saw you were out cold."

"Dr. Weir sent a team through within minutes. We regained consciousness about 20 minutes later." Teyla replied.

"All we could tell them was a Wraith probe of some sort shot us," said Ronon. "Nothing else, the Mau knew nothing about them and we could not find any sign of them or you. Obviously, they left the planet."

"Yeah." The drifting was back and Rodney decided to follow the flow. "Spaceballs." He would have to remember that; Sheppard would appreciate it.

"We are glad you both are back," whispered Teyla seeing the conversation was over.

"Believe me when I say; it's good to be back."

* * *

_A/N: Now our little piggies are home. One more to go. _


	14. To Love the World Again

Chapter 14 

To Love the World Again

And John…well John woke up surrounded by his very much alive team…

Three weeks ago.

Beckett finally let him loose on the city with stipulations- no secluded anywheres and daily check-ups. He saluted and mentally skipped out of the infirmary straight to an outside venue. He had not seen the outdoors since their pell-mell run to the Gate and his subsequent impersonation of gum on the underside of Bama's boot.

He stretched his legs out in front of him towards the railing of the balcony right outside the control room. Seemed like everyone had the same idea on such a gorgeous day. He watched conversations going on around him. Some were casual. Some were intense. Some…a girlish, sorority giggle would be appropriate.

He was feeling James Dean today in his white T-shirt and jeans. Being on medical leave made him a true rebel without a cause. He was still having a few shooting pains now and again but they kept lessening with each day. Light duty would be granted in about a week. He was also breaking in a new pair of Milky Way Galaxy, shoe laced boots.

_Gosh, too bad Rodney didn't think to get all our gear. I really liked all my stu-uff. I guess I won't really miss anything except those boots. Nothing else, well maybe that watch but not anything el…just my 9 mil._

He smiled at his internal witty repartee.

"Col. Sheppard. You have to do something."

A very nasal, irritating voice interrupted his joke.

"Ever since his release, Dr. McKay has been a totalitarian, militant despot in the labs."

Sheppard looked up at the pony-tailed delight that was, is and ever shall be Kavanagh. He tried to keep his face a disinterested neutral. "Sorry? Who shot who in the what now?"

With an exaggerated eye roll, Kavanagh clarified, "He's insufferable, more so than before…"

_Hello pot…_thought Sheppard. _As a matter of fact, what in the hell are you still doing here?_ He thought Kavanagh had left after the siege. He really had not seen him around much. He figured the man would take the first chance to run from the incompetent leadership around this place. _Oh wait a minute; I'm part of the incompetent leadership._

"You have to set him straight, he's not military. Just because you were unable to do _your_ job, he thinks…"

Dr. Zelenka blew in like a tornado, "Dr. Kavanagh! Dr. Dupree needs you to supervise installation of the…"

"He's not trying that by himself is he?" Kavanagh squeaked worriedly and took off running before Zelenka had finished.

Radek looked down at the seated Sheppard. He wore a conspiratorial smirk.

"Col. Sheppard, it's good to see you up and enjoying a little air," he said cheerfully. "Please ignore Dr. Kavanagh's last tactless comment. He has the manners of a turnip and the social skills of a rock."

"Once his mouth opened, I turned on my filter Dr. Z," said Sheppard not having to look up very far."So McKay's become even more of a tyrant, hunh?"

Radek grinned, "Rodney is…well he's trying to utilize his new found leadership confidence. If he can rescue both of you from certain doom, then running a lab and all the scientific interests of Atlantis are child's play. You know Rodney, his ego knows no bounds." Radek clucked his tongue. "It'll all even out. I'll make sure. And Kavanagh won't bother you again."

Sheppard let a smile return. "It's all right Dr. Z. I lived through what happened on our vacation to Tara. I chalk it up to being a good teacher. You change those things you can and accept those you can't."

"Quite right," replied Zelenka nodding thoughtfully. "It really is good to see you up and around. See you later Colonel."

Sheppard went back to his internal musings; Rodney must have Zelenka tailing Kavanagh, poor guy. He was not a glass beaker, he knew what his capabilities were and they had all been nullified except for his ability to piss off people in charge. He had used that exceptionally well.

He smiled to himself because he was fine and Rodney was a genius. Fine as in a standing appointment with Heightmeyer for a little while but he could do that standing on his head. Also, fine as in the next time he needed to use the control chair; he was going to be a little hesitant . He would definitely look before sitting.

Another ego-filled voice interrupted him. This one he was waiting for.

"I have a bone to pick with you."

His smile evaporated into the stratosphere.

McKay sat down next to him. "But before that- I see great minds think alike." He lifted up his brand, spankin' new, Milky Way Galaxy, shoe laced boots.

The smile descended back down onto his face briefly. It left when he started. "I did something wrong."

"Oh yeah? That could be any number of things," said McKay. "But I know there are a few things in particular."

"I woke you up."

"I know."

"You do?" _Figures,_ thought Sheppard. "What I did wrong was take away your freewill. Something that I was afraid was going to happen to us. I even lied. That darkness, it wasn't her. That was all me."

A little shock registered on McKay's face. "Now that's just disturbing."

"Tell me about it. I think that it is in all of us but the cube brought it out even more. I was flying high over the coockoo's nest. Even with that, when you're trained for combat, it's waiting just under the surface." Sheppard pursed his lips before continuing, "You were running away. I was afraid you wanted to stay like that. I…"

"Couldn't trust me to make the right decision," finished McKay.

"Yeah."

"That's not the sticking point for me." Rodney waited for the inevitable reaction.

Sheppard looked at him bewildered.

"You kept your self-righteous tirade going and didn't tell me about your little cube induced intervention for- how long?" McKay kept a steady expression as he tapped at his new watch. "Yes you were a crazed program in that cube but afterwards…"

"I was a coward."

"That is last word I would ever use to describe you. Especially after seeing what you went through. I would use: stupid, idiotic, moronic, selfish, asinine…"

"I get it."

"Foolish."

"OK McKay."

"Suicidal."

"Thank you, M…"

"Hairy."

"Enough!" He said with a high-pitched voice. He looked around the balcony as he actually flashed red in his cheeks. "That we shall never speak of again." He hissed as low as possible. Bad enough it was in a report. Hardest report he ever had to write--and he had been dead, twice. He never thought there would be anything harder to write about than your own mortality. Boy was he wrong.

On another level, the bastard got away with it. Ixion was not in the database and Rodney never found the address. Therefore, they couldn't even block it out. Now that really stuck in his craw.

"No argument here." McKay stretched his legs out and twisted a little to keep off his bu…hip injury. "I was going to let you twist and twist and twist, but the thing is…I would have been sucking my thumb in the corner and drooling without your self-interested intervention. I may have had a few theories running around but they would've clanked into any oozing, puss-filled doubts I harbored and that could've gotten us killed or worse, not. You see, he wasn't going to kill you. He was going to keep you around just to remind me who was the master and who was the servant. There would've been nothing left of you. And to me…it's better to have a self-righteous asshole as a friend than none at all."

Sheppard smirked, "Sucking your thumb?"

"It's a metaphor Colonel."

"Self righteous asshole?"

"Hell yeah."

"Friend?"

"The best."

"Back at ya there Wiley." Sheppard did not look at him but knew there was a big smile on McKay's face. "You did good Rodney. I kept it together because you kept it together. That impresses the hell out of me. It's easy to slay the dragon. It takes a hero to wake up and love the world the next morning."

Now it was McKay's turn to blush. "The only thing I want to know is- why did you purposely piss off Orson? You should always trust, no matter what else, in the self-preservation instincts that I hold. They get extended to friends and teammates when necessary." Rodney looked at him waiting for his answer.

"Because McKay, I'm really good at it." He paused, "And it seemed like a good idea at the time. Painful, not much foresight, but good.

Rodney shifted again. "I should add faulty reasoning to the list. Well this seat is just about as uncomfortable as it can get." He stood up and stretched. "Colonel, we start here with a clean bill of health and friendship. Let's try to wait a couple of days before we screw it up."

Sheppard laughed and really could not stop. Once it abated enough for him to speak, he waved a finger at McKay. "Don't worry McKay, something will come along to challenge us. Know one thing- next time, you get to be the shish kabob."

"Careful Colonel, I have some Illudium Phosdex left and know how to use it." McKay limped off and for good measure added, "Hairy!"

Sheppard stopped laughing. Just to be safe, he was going to have the supply officer hide all the razors.

The End (for real)

* * *

_A/N: Well hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think of it as a whole. Like to thank all of you who reviewed on any and all chapters. I had fun writing it. The voracious bunnies are already plotting and scheming. January! Oh January come to momma._


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